My father came out of the house like an angry hornet. He jumped in the suburban and sped down the lane. I sat on the back porch , staring at my new red t-strap canvas shoes. My brother ran after him yelling, “Dad, don’t leave!” eating the dust, his strong legs pumping, tears dripping down his dusty sweaty cheeks.
That was the end of the family I had always known, now there was a deep gaping wound of rejection. My father was gone.
This was my first exposure to the great divorce of heaven and earth; I was banished from the only Eden I had ever known. Rejection. Abandonment. I was a hurt child, reaping the consequences of someone’s life choices just as children all over the world- victims of circumstances, hunger, rejection, alcohol, depression, prisoners of rage, fear, punishments, loss of temper, tricks, war, famine, prostitution, drugs. The pit is the same in any language, deep, dark, putrid. The cause of rejection does not matter, the feelings are the same, the devastation of abandonment parallels Adam and Eve’s separation from the Heavenly Father. (excerpt from my upcoming book!)
I have to examine my reactions to my children and measure them. Am I acting upon the residue of rejection or to the present reality? How does this play out in practical terms? Lose the negative emotions. If you can’t clean them out of your insides immediately, wash them off your face. Become the award winning actress- sweet, sappy and firm.
A child mouths off at dinner, Mom responds, “Please be quiet.”
“Why don’t you tell him to be quiet?(points to sibling) You can’t make me,” he answers.
At this point there is a choice for Mom, will she act upon past hurts and rejection, thinking this kid doesn’t love me or will she grasp the present circumstance and address it?
Here is one of my famous Momisms, “You are welcome to eat dinner with us if you apologize and change your attitude, if you choose not to, you are welcome to leave the table. It’s up to you.”
Am I perfect? No. Are my responses always spot on? No. I am flesh and blood, but by God’s grace and mercy, I have learned through my suffering the healing power of a firm hand and a stable parent.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of sympathy (pity and mercy) and the God [Who is the Source] of every comfort (consolation and encouragement).
Who comforts (consoles and encourages) us in every trouble (calamity and affliction), so that we may also be able to comfort (console and encourage) those who are in any kind of trouble or distress, with the comfort (consolation and encouragement) with which we ourlseves are comforted (consoled and encouraged) by God. II Corinthians 1: 3,4
I can comfort my children by being a stable parent fixed on the Lord Jesus Christ and remembering He rescued me from the pit.
I was having a hard time remembering some of my Momisms today, just ask my kids!
Coming up this week:
The Habit of Celebration
Interviews with some of my kids
Follow my blog buddies in their two week trek into Biblical Relationships!
One thought on “Relationship with Self”
Thank you for your honesty! It's a kind of bravery. 🙂 And what a good reminder to let Christ break the cycle of the wounded and tortured turning into the torturers and tormenters.