I shopped. I browsed through the clothes on a site with a discount coupon in mind. I had three things in my shopping cart, two dresses, one an Ann Taylor and a pair of jeans. I looked at my total. Hmmm, even with my discount code it was more than I wanted to pay. It occurred to me that I wasn’t shopping out of need, I was shopping because I had a discount code and free shipping (and for a good cause).

I suddenly felt drained. Empty.

It wasn’t the site’s fault. There were plenty of fantastic options. It was mine.

The theme of my morning Bible study had been “All I need”.

“People, jobs what we have at our immediate disposal, are not our source.”- Melody Beattie

I was shopping because of a code, not a need. How often do I try to fill my lack with bread that does not satisfy?

Wait and listen, everyone who is thirsty! Come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Yes, come, buy [priceless, spiritual] wine and milk without money and without price [simply for the self-surrender that accepts the blessing].(A)

² Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your earnings for what does not satisfy? Hearken diligently to Me, and eat what is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness [the profuseness of spiritual joy]. Isaiah 55:1,2

The desire to feed that inner self with the food of material goods or accolades stems from lack. The belief of lack says:

I’m not enough!

I’m not worth it! 

There is not enough!

I must fend for myself!

Many times this belief is formed in our childhood by alcoholic or inconsistent abusive, neglectful parents. It doesn’t always stem from poverty, although it is a common source, neglect is more likely. Sometimes the belief starts with a habit. We shop or fill ourselves with something other than the Lord because it feels good, initially. Then as the days, weeks, months go by, we must shop more, control more, eat more, drink more to fill the void. It becomes a compulsion and this sort of ‘meeting our own needs’ can never be satiated.

Even in a house household full of material things, a child’s  (or adult’s) deepest need can be neglected, the deep seated need of love/belonging/connection (Glasser’s Five Needs), of the list, this is number two. The first? Survival, this  is a basic need unless it is threatened. yet, many of us, as well as children from hard places get stuck in survival mode because we have tried to attain number two, love/belonging/connection and failed. Our default is to take control of our own needs.

Meeting our own needs is exhausting, overwhelming and dangerous. We cannot control everyone, make everyone love us, fill everyone’s emotional and BE God.

Don’t be afraid of need.

“Cherish need because it is part of our relationship with god and His Universe. God has planned to meet our every need, has created the need within us, so God can supply.”- Melody Beattie

I struggle with survival mode, how about you? Do you, like me, forsake Him and dig your own wells that don’t hold water (Jeremiah 2:13). Or set out to Egypt, the law of land or the government, to supply, trusting in chariots (material goods)? do you, like me, speed your own course?  I’m bad about this last one, my to-do lists scribbled in the margin of my journal.

Take heart, sister. Take a deep breath and read on.

“Our task is to allow ourselves to come into harmony with our Source. Our task is to believe in, and look to, our true Source. Our task is to release fear, negative thinking, limitations and short supply thinking.”

God knows what you have need of before you even ask.

You count! Expect Him to show up. Expect Him to meet your needs.

Linking up with Kristin Hill Taylor for Three Word Wednesday! Join us!