Five Things You Can Do to Help an Adoptive/Foster Family Part IV

Ever wonder what you can do to support adoption/foster care? Maybe you don’t feel as if you can take a child into your home. Maybe you already raised your children and you aren’t ready to start over. It may be that you have a heart for adoption,but it’s not time for you to walk the adoption road, a few more things may need to fall into place. The good news is, you don’t have to adopt/foster to support it. You can support those who do and it’s not terribly difficult.

 External religious worship [[b]religion as it is expressed in outward acts] that is pure and unblemished in the sight of God the Father is this: to visit and help and care for the orphans and widows in their affliction and need, and to keep oneself unspotted and uncontaminated from the world.” James 1:27

*If you missed the beginning of this series, you can find it here.

4. Don’t judge the parents by the child’s behavior.

Good parents who have successfully parented bio children are suddenly labeled the ‘bad’ parent at church, school, field trips, if the adopted/foster child has behavior issues.

These behavior issues can be a lack of brain development. Both abuse and neglect can halt brain development causing a child to freeze developmentally while his peers soar past him. A child from a hard place is typically half his physical age emotionally. An eight year old will acct like a four year old. The child may have no self-regulation skills whatsoever. He may grab food off someone else’s plate, kick, hit, yell, get kicked out of Kid’s Church, steal hot chocolate (in bulk) from the church kitchen (true stories, I don’t make this stuff up).

Brain development

These behaviors show a lack of self regulation, not a forever problem. Some adults may try to wish these away, saying things like, “He’s a good kid, maybe you are just too hard on him.” The problem is,this glazing over the behavior or blaming the parent doesn’t heal the child, it hurts him. These behaviors are a result of his past, something that happened on someone else’s watch. In order for the child to heal, his brain needs to develop in areas it hasn’t. He needs to gain some upstairs brain skills. The child can do this through attachment. Yes, attachment grows the brain.

Here’s the catch, parents are correcting which is difficult when a child is not connected. The child needs time and reason to trust. Don’t assume the parents aren’t working on it. Don’t assume because the child continues in these behaviors that he isn’t being parented well. He may be catching up in attachment, development and being truly parented for the first time.

It’s time for adoption talk link up! Join us!

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2 thoughts on “Five Things You Can Do to Help an Adoptive/Foster Family Part IV

  1. Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this! For a long time my mom thought my daughter’s acting out was the result of my being too hard on her. My daughter has RAD and we have to adhere to a strict schedule to keep any sense of peace. Thank you for educating others! 🙂

    1. Lynn, I understand. I ran into the same sort of judgement. Kids who have RAD need a schedule to help them feel more secure, so you are doing the right thing! Blessings!

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