Have you ever struggled with a child?
Have you ever struggled with a child? Have you ever tromped around the same mountain and wondered- is this child ever going to change? Will he ever recover from the wounds he suffered in his life before I was his home? I’ve been there. I have circled until there is a trench up-to-my-shoulder-deep and I could barely see the light. I’ve been there more times then I would like to admit. How about you? Here are some words I jotted in my journal after a painful trying-to-save-the child-week.
“Whenever you are struggling with _____, thank Me for him. ….Don’t give up. Don’t give in……Picture him as the infant you adopted all those years ago. He didn’t know anything about hot stoves, electrical outlets, toys, older siblings- it was all new territory- so is this being responsible for his own actions- he may get burned, trip, get mad, slam doors… but in the end, he will learn where the boundaries are. He will learn to fight for something he wants- to apply his own blood, sweat and tears instead of riding on the backs of others, emotionally manipulating them and never feeling satisfied. My Word will work. Keep reading it. You cannot change him. Give him consequences. Let me do the work.I did not rescue these little ones to rot in another hell. Pray the Word, not the circumstances.”
Raising a child who has suffered loss
If you are raising a child from a who has suffered loss, abandonment and rejection in their early life, day to day living can be a struggle.
“To compound the situation, many children who have experienced neglect, abuse and abandonment have not yet developed an internalized set of values by which they judge themselves and others. They are not able to receive and experience empathy- nor can they develop insight -so they tend to project blame on others and onto objects. They blame their adoptive parents for causing their anger, and they blame toys for breaking. They blame things that could not possibly be responsible for anything!”– Parenting the Hurt Child
How do I practice thankfulness in midst of pain? Thank Him for the child. List the blessings.
1. Morning hugs
2. He said he was sorry.
3. God sent someone my way to encourage me.
4. Dinner out with family. Everyone joking. Telling stories of the past.
5. The kids chilling/talking in the family room.
Victories are Sweeter
When parenting kiddos who have had trauma or a capital letter syndrome, victories are sweeter. When the kid who couldn’t even place the letters of his name in a linear sequence writes his name on a line (in order), there is great cause for celebration. When a child who has been afraid to stand in front of people participates in the social studies fair even though she has tears running down her cheeks the whole time she presents to the judges, that’s a huge victory. When we think about the fact that these kids have to work harder at these victories, they are much sweeter tasting. These victories aren’t small. They’re huge.
It will change you
When we talk of raising kiddos from hard places, we often focus on the kiddos – their behaviors, their victories, their healing – those are all good things. Here’s another part of the picture – raising these kiddos will change us. Looking through the lens these kiddos see through will make me a better person. When I see a child laugh at a joke for the first time. When I hear a child ask for help and leave survival mode behind for the first time, I see things differently.
Also, raising kiddos from hard places has given me the opportunity to operate more in the fruit of the spirit. We parents will have to practice more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5: 22, 23).
Want to hear more about this topic? Listen to Episode 107 of Positive Adoption.
Are you raising a child who has had trauma or has a capital letter syndrome?
Days can be long and tough. We know. How do you practice gratefulness during this season? Join Jerry and Kathleen as they tackle practicing gratefulness when raising kids from hard places (and with capital letter syndromes). They’ve lived it and have some great stories to share. Grab a cup of coffee and join this dynamic duo!