Episode 177 – What Makes a Good Parent?

This week I started a series on parenting. A friend of mine had posted on Instagram what she used to think made a parent good. Keep in mind, I’m using “good” in a very general sense. This isn’t a series about judging our parenting. It’s about encouraging, educating, and equipping ourselves.

We may have believed some myths about what good parenting looks like. Or maybe the pressures of this culture have you seeping in Mom-guilt and you have a really negative view of your parenting skills. During this stressful time when many Moms are with their kiddos 24/7, exhaustion and circumstances can have everyone in meltdown mode. Then our Mom-guilt or inner critic (or both) rears its ugly head and we sink lower into a depressed state. LET’S. NOT. GO. THERE. This isn’t a series to give you three magical steps to being a better parent. Or a good parent. Let’s look at the whole parenting gig from a different perspective by answering some questions. (Please put in your two cents by filling out this survey- here).

Does Having Obedient kids make you a good parent?

Do you think having obedient kids makes you a good parent? Like you should get a prize when your kids listen? Raising my hand here. For years I thought this was the Biblical definition of parenting to strive for. Although I do think obedience is something to aim for, I don’t think it qualifies us for “best parent” status.

Who do you think is the best parent in the universe? God, the Father, would be my answer. How did his first kiddos – Adam and Eve – do in the obedience department? God put Adam and Eve in perfect circumstances. Their every need was met. They had secure attachment. They walked and talked with God every day. His only restriction – Don’t eat of the tree in the middle of the garden. If you eat of it, you will die. Let’s take a look at what happened next:

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Genesis 3

God’s first Children Disobeyed Him

Does that make you feel better? It did me. When I first realized that God, the Father Himself, who is perfect, had disobedient kiddos, I breathed a sigh of relief. Yes, of course, I’ve read through the Bible and know about the seven cycles of judgment in Judges, the people who disobeyed, lied, and had kingships removed. Those are all pretty serious sins. But for a long time, I hadn’t processed the first kids being disobedient dynamic. It certainly takes a weight off my shoulders.

Your kids have free will, just like any human on the planet. Perfect obedience is not a job requirement for parents. It’s something we pursue. Relationship comes first though. As I say on the podcast – God already had a plan set up for reconciliation before Adam and Eve disobeyed. That’s our job. We must have a plan for reconnecting after disobedience (and a redo, time-in or whatever parenting tool fits the bill). * I’ll talk more about the reconciliation plan next week on the podcast.

Book Series I Mentioned on the Podcast

Defining Series:

1. After ten years in a Polish orphanage, Adelina’s dream of finding a home is coming true.
And, so is her worst nightmare.

After a new intern appears, Daria, Adelina’s best friend’s, adoption falls through. Then Daria disappears.
With a human trafficking ring in the area targeting teens, Adelina must save her friend or go to the states with her new family.

2. Can this newly adopted teen finally learn what it means to be part of a family? When someone from her past shows up at her doorstep with some disturbing news it launches her into the path of danger again.

3. Adelina is graduating from college and getting married. She’s left her coping mechanisms of defining words and reciting poetry behind… that is until she answers the phone at the Crisis Pregnancy Center. The caller on the other end pulls her back into the dangerous world of human trafficking.

Adelina finally feels secure in her home and family. She’s ready to launch out into adulthood, get married, and move away from her forever family. Then she takes a deep dive into the cultural issues and a different species of human trafficking. She’s at odds with her team, government agencies, and her old inner demons.

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