Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We’re sharing the second episode in our series – Five Things You Can Do To Help Adoptive/Foster Families. If you are an adoptive/foster parent, this is a great series to share with your friends, family, and church. It’s a more indirect way of asking for help. Who knows? You may help someone in need just by sharing! Grab a cup of coffee (and some tissues for this episode). Join Sandra and me for some tips and stories!
Don’t have expectations for the new adopted or foster children
So many people expected my newbies to smile, to be polite, quote scripture, and be soooo grateful.
Don’t. Just don’t.
First of all, these are just kiddos. They are going to act like kids. Second of all, many of them have come from difficult situations.
You are big, scary and probably weird looking and smell funny to a little kid (input from my youngest). This child may have little or no trust built for his adoptive/foster parent. Why would he want to trust you? You might be a bad guy (wisdom from my youngest).
My newbies hid from a Polish priest when he spoke their native language-they cowered under a table and/or behind my legs. This was a good Polish dude, but not to them. He was a trigger, a reminder of the orphanage that they had recently escaped. Thankfully, he brushed it off, smiled, and moved on without demanding they answer.
If you need to have any expectations of the new foster/adopted child your friend or neighbor has brought home, expect them to be on guard. Expect children to need to get to know you before they want to engage in conversation. Get down on their level. Say “hello” and don’t be put off if there is not a response. Give the child time, not require him to fulfill your imposed expectations.
Are you an adoptive/foster parent?
Do you often feel alone in your journey? As if NO ONE else knows what’s going on in your home?
Because, which of us stands on the sidelines of the soccer field and says to the neighboring Moms, “How are you coping with the effects of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome in your child?” or “Is your child finally attaching or what?” “How are those adoption/foster classes going?” No. The truth is most adoptive parents don’t say a word about what they are dealing with on a regular basis. They just try to blend in and look normal. How do I know? I am one of them.This is a great handbook to encourage you and let you know, you are not alone. Plus, it’s full of tips, real-life stories, and some great resources. Grab your free copy today.