Coming up with an Idea

LIke I said yesterday -I’m super excited about this week! If you did all three weeks of assignments, YAY YOU!

I’m proud of you for priming the pump yesterday. Did you get all sorts of things on paper? Are you ready to come up with an idea for an article?

How do you come up with an idea for an article? 

The best way to come up with an idea for an article is to find something you struggle with yourself. Your topic can be something you have overcome (even if you have setbacks) or something you want to overcome publicly, such as a health challenge. If you think all the people who write about time management never struggled with it themselves, you’re wrong. Most people write, teach, or speak about struggles they have overcome, not practices they have always been perfectly performing. So, if you are thinking, I can’t write about anything because I have too many problems. Problems are the inception of overcoming. If you have nothing to overcome, you can’t be an overcomer. 

Here’s one way to find a topic:

Look through your journal. Find something you have written about a lot. One reoccurring theme in my journal when I had seven kiddos at home was my rising early for morning prayer time. I wrote about it a lot. I prayed about it a lot. I wrote down scriptures. It became a huge “overcoming” project. 

Do I get up early now? Yes, I usually get up at 5 am to pray, study the Bible and then write. Do I do it perfectly well every day? Nope. Do I do it well most of the time? Yep. Was it a struggle for me. Totally. I cried big hot tears on the days I missed my Bible and prayer time. It was a need for me that I had the power to meet and didn’t many times. Would I consider myself an overcomer in this area? Yes! Did I do it myself? No, way. I am only able to do what I do because I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency.

What’s one thing you have struggled with?

Find something in your journal or think about something you have talked about to your friends a lot. It doesn’t have to be theologically deep. Maybe it’s like (one of my examples) making breakfast, or giving up drinking soda, or doing something fun with your family once a week. Ruth Soukup calls this your “felt need.” Guess what, if you feel it, then someone else out there does too!

Once you narrow down what felt need you’re going to explore in your blog post, then it’s time to give practical, and easy to follow, advice addressing and hopefully solving that need. If your post gets them closer to their desired result, then they will remember you forever as an expert of the topic at hand. The thing is, learning something is what drives people to read blog posts in the first place, so why not entertain but also educate your readers at the same time. Doling out easy-to-follow, practical advice, that addresses your readers felt need is just one element each post needs to incorporate.

Ruth Soukup

Is your brain working now? Has an idea popped into your head?  Once you have something in your head, write it down. Write down all the thoughts you have about it whether it flows or makes sense or not. Do a complete brain dump! 

Using Your Journal to Plot out an Article or a Book

I’m super excited about this week! If you did all three weeks of assignments, YAY YOU!

I’m proud of you! Last week was pretty brutal, especially if you have never faced your past before. This week is more fun. In fact, this week can be about using your past to help others (if you are ready to).

Journaling is a gateway to writing articles and books.

When I was struggling with my kids melting down during the Advent season, my struggles converted to journal writing, then a series on our website, and finally, an Advent book – 25 Days of Thriving Through Christmas. Did it happen overnight? Nope. Did I have it accomplished in a day? Nope.

Stop right here and capture your thought. Are you thinking I could never do that! Or I don’t have anything to say! Or that’s just too much work and I don’t have time. Imagine those thoughts are locked in a room. You don’t have to listen to them. You can replace them. They are not your friends. They are your enemies. They come from fear and God hasn’t given you a spirit of fear. He has given you a disciplined mind. Say that right now – I have a disciplined mind. I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency. I can do what He has called me to do.

What do Thoughts Have to Do with It?

Wait. Why are we talking about thoughts? I thought this was about writing an article or a book. It is. Guess what. Every idea starts in your mind. Then what happens is the cares of this world, negative self-talk, or fear takes over (and we let it, raising my hand here). In order to write, we have to overcome in our mind first, we have to tear down strongholds. We have to hold one another accountable. That’s why I’m writing this! We need each other. 

If I can do it, so can you. That’s not, “I did it na, na, na (sticks out tongue).” That’s if God can help me write, He will help you too. I’ve had so many people tell me they want to write a book, start a blog, host a group on social media to encourage others then the reasons, the excuses they can’t do it. 

Right now, take those thoughts and kick them out. If you have ever wanted to do any of the above, then this week is for you. It’s only a short snippet of what you need to know, but it’s a beginning and every good story needs a beginning. Consider this week your inciting incident. 

The inciting incident is an episode, plot point or event that hooks the reader into the story. This particular moment is when an event thrusts the protagonist into the main action of the story. Screenwriting guru Syd Field describes it as ‘setting the story in motion’. 

Nownovel.com

Be the hero of your own story!!

Have you had a book or article idea brewing in your mind? Maybe you have characters swimming around in your head that you would like to become a book. Maybe you have a passion for a topic and you want to educate, encourage, and equip others. Today, do some free writing. Write down what you want to write about it. Don’t hold back. It’s not going to be graded or edited. This is just priming the pump writing. Once you do this exercise, you’ll be in a better place to put together an article, story, or start plotting a book! Go YOU!

Journaling Your Child’s Triggers Part 2

Love is Enough

“Love is enough” is a common misconception among parents in general, but even more so with kids who have experienced trauma. Kids who have had trauma seem to have a built-in button-locating radar. They find our buttons and push them over and over. It’s natural that we parents may think they are pushing our buttons or misbehaving to make us mad.

In reality, their behavior stems from early trauma and its effect on them. Most children that come into foster care, orphanages, or other institutions are disorganized in their attachment and stuck in dis-integration. The people who were supposed to care for them hurt them. This sets off a constant warning bell in the brains of these children. We call the result a stress-shaped brain.

Early Life Experience

Early life experience has shaped their brains to expect the worst and be on high alert all the time. This response is known as hypervigilance. The hypervigilant child jerks at every sound.  They don’t recognize their body’s own signals of hunger, thirst, and rest.

Normally, parents seamlessly teach regulation. When the child is hungry, the mother feeds him. If he is cold, she wraps him in a blanket. If he is tired, she rocks him to sleep. This pattern continues, with the mother regulating for the child until he begins to regulate for himself. He asks for a drink when he is thirsty. He puts on his sweater when he is cold, or grabs his blankie when he’s ready for bed. 

Kids who haven’t had this early regulation don’t know how to regulate. This doesn’t just apply to hunger and thirst, though those are the biggies. It also applies to behavior. Behavior is what we see externally, but it’s not the whole picture. We need to learn to watch the external behaviors as a clue to whether the child can regulate internally or not.

“Tantrums, meltdowns, aggression, and most other challenging experiences of parenting – and life- are a result of a loss of integration, also known as dis-integration.”

The Whole-Brain Child

Neurons that fire together wire together. In plain English, the more a behavior is acted out or a trigger is acted upon, the more it becomes a pattern in the brain. It is as if the road is dug out, graveled, and paved by repeated experiences. The paved road then becomes the primary travel route.  

Adoption is messy. Children who are adopted from hard places have trouble verbalizing their feelings. They struggle with self-regulation and want to control everything and everyone around them. Trouble is, if we parents aren’t careful, we end up focusing on the behavior instead of digging deeper into the root of the problem. It’s quick and easy to think the child is misbehaving to get on our last nerve. We tend to think the child wants to make us angry.

The poor choices in behavior speak what the child is unable to state verbally.

Put Yourself in Your Child’s Shoes

Have you ever been in a situation when you felt anxious or afraid for no apparent or logical reason? Instead of considering a situation your child was in, think of a situation that you have been in. Think of a time when you should have felt safe but instead you felt anxious.  Go back to that feeling for a minute, and as terrible as it is, let it wash over you. Imagine feeling like that all the time. That may be how your child is feeling. 

Five Bs Affected by Trauma

Science says there are five Bs affected by trauma, and we cannot overlook them. In kids from hard places, behavioral disorders are a symptom of the effect trauma has had on their development. 

Negative behaviors will be taken care of once a child is securely attached. To achieve that, we must start with the five Bs and work our way out from there. Take a few minutes and read about the Five Bs – start here. Listen to the podcast series on each B. There is a lot of information to read/listen to. Take your time. It will still be available long after this series is over. Maybe start with one B. Armed with this information, write down some of your child’s triggers with this information as your foundation.

*This is an excerpt from the course How to Have Peace When Your Kids are in Chaos.

Interested in the course? Read more about it and try a free module!

Journaling Your Child’s Triggers Part 1

Journaling Your Child’s Triggers Part 1

Children who have been traumatized in infancy and early childhood cannot be expected to behave or respond to stimuli in the same way as children who have not. 

 Key to remember– As Dr. Purvis reminds us, our children were harmed in and through relationships, and they will find healing in and through nurturing relationships.

Trauma is much more far-reaching than we assumed in the past. We have always been told that children are resilient and they are, but there are effects that trauma leaves behind. It affects every area of life for a child.

 Trauma harms the brain. Its footprint can be seen in these areas: Social, learning, behavior problems (regulation), physical development 

Dr. Purvis calls children who have had trauma in their lives “children from hard places.”

“The passage of time for these little ones does not in itself reduce trauma’s impact to a bearable level. The trauma contaminates the meaning of life and is part of early personality formation. Neurobiologically, trauma shapes the developing brain.”

-Deborah Gray, Nurturing Adoptions

Did your child have early trauma? If you aren’t sure, read the “Six Risk Factors” and listen to the podcast on the subject (linked in the article). Also, you can find a handy printable resource here. 

Today, take some time to think about your child’s history. This will help you begin to recognize the triggers. Write down the risk factors she encountered before coming home to you. Take some time to pray and process how these things can be affecting her behavior. 

We’ll cover more on this topic tomorrow. Feel free to comment, share, or ask a question!

*This is an excerpt from the course How to Have Peace When Your Kids are in Chaos.

Interested in the course? Read more about it and try a free module!

Happy Adoption Day from The Guire Shire

It Was Twenty Years Ago today

Twenty years ago today, four kiddos got off a plane with Grandude, and my hubby, Jerry, to come to their new home. They had flown from Warsaw, Poland to Chicago, and then to Pittsburgh.

In a hospital, thirty minutes away, my stepfather, Bud was slowly, silently, slipping away – going on to glory (as he would say). As Dickens so poetically pointed out:

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”

Today, twenty years later, I reflect, rejoice, celebrate, and grieve. Those early days after the adoption were the season of light and the season of darkness all rolled into one. Today I celebrate the addition of my four kiddos, as well as grieve the loss of Bud. It was during this season I learned through experience how joy and sorrow could co-exist.

Joy and Sorrow

I experienced the joy of my kiddos in their firsts:

  • Living in a house for the first time
  • Having enough to eat at EVERY meal
  • Sleeping in beds with relative safety (not being beat up or molested in the middle of the night)

If there was any night time activity it was night terror which we tried our best to comfort. We prayed long and hard because we were out of our depth. Or it was Gregory jumping on a sibling, just because he could.

Grieving and Growing

We were all grieving and growing. My kiddos were grieving their old life. Letting go of the past is difficult no matter what sort of past it is. I was grieving because I felt Bud slipping away. He had been my first link to unconditional love. He died a week after the kiddos came home.

Despite our grief, we were growing together, meals at the table, putting on puppet shows, playing with dolls, tea sets, Legos, and race car sets. Playing, reading, and shared family meal times knit us together even though frayed ends stretched and pulled, trying to unravel us. Hateful words. Meltdowns. Night terrors. Hoarding. Medical issues. Survival mode. Disorganized attachment. Before you think I’m only talking about the kiddos, don’t. It was me too. Totally raising my hand.

If you are reading this and thinking, I can’t adopt. It’s too hard. What if I enter a Job syndrome? May I ask you a question? Did you come into the family of God kicking and screaming? Were (or are) old beliefs still hanging on for dear life? Beliefs that tell you:

  • You don’t matter.
  • You are not chosen.
  • God doesn’t love YOU.

If so, you are worth fighting for. Aren’t you? If you’re not sure, the answer is YES! And so is every orphaned, abandoned, and neglected child. As Jesus said, let the children come to me, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 9:14 paraphrase). Just as you are worth it, so are those children who need a home. Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted, to set the captives (physical and spiritual) free, to open the eyes of the blind, to bind up wounds, and give gladness instead of mourning. We are anointed to do the same. Don’t let the thought of doing hard things stop you from pursuing adoption.

Final Thoughts

If I had a time machine and I could go back to pre-adoption me, would I still adopt? Yes. I’m so proud of my kiddos, who they have become and all the life lessons they have taught me along the way.