Mind, Mood, and Attitude Show Notes

It’s easy to have a great attitude when life is great. What about when everything is going wrong? How do you keep a great attitude then?

On this week’s episode of The Whole House Podcast, Diane Tarantini and I share some of our Job syndrome stories as well as what God taught us through them.

  • Whether it is physical, financial or emotional circumstances, we can learn to ask God to change us in the midst of the crisis.
  • Often, just doing the next thing in the midst of the circumstances teaches steadfastness.
  • When physical sickness or an injury limits what we can do physically, we have to watch our emotional response.
  • When our negative emotions are in overdrive, we can quickly form toxic responses.
  • It takes 21 days for certain protein changes to happen in the brain, – for the new memory to become self sustaining and for the old memory to be broken down.

It takes three cycles of 21 (63) days to completely form a new thought pattern.

  • By day 7, the protein connection holding the memory in place is a bump shape, day 14, a lollipop, by 21 it is a mushroom. YOU must repeat the 21 day cycle three times for a thought to become automated.

Awareness is the process of bringing thoughts into captivity.

Episode 59

Our signals come from two sources:

  1. External- 5 senses.

  2. Non conscious- metacognitive (your memories).

You have to develop disciplined thought lives, and part of that is increasing awareness of what you are allowing in your mind. Be aware of the signals coming in and understanding the internal environment of your mind.

When you think, you also feel. When you think a thought, you also bring up an attached emotion.  Emotions and feelings are different.

Attitude is a state of mind – a thought plus its attached emotion. Attitudes influence what you say and do.

If the attitude activated is negative, then the emotional response will be a negative or stressful feeling.

If the attitude is positive, the feeling will be positive. Your attitude will be revealed no matter how much you try to hide it. So, you say, “I’m in a bad mood.”

Research has shown that mental practice -imagination, visualization, deep thought and reflection produces the same physical changes in the brain as would physically carrying out the same imagined process.

 

Brain scans show that the parts of the brain activated by action are the same parts activated by simply thinking about an action. This shed new depths and understanding for the scripture – Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”- Hebrews 11:1

 

As young women, we often live our lives as if our energy is finite. We  live as if we have unlimited energy and we hit our thirties, forties and fifties and realize we begin to have major health issues. If you are young, you can learn the lesson now- 

You can’t do everything, but you can do one or two things well.

It’s best to practice making choices now before stress and physical symptoms crop up. If you choose to do what is essential now, your body will thank you later. So will your family. If what is essential to you is God, husband and children, then the things outside of this scope are not essential. If you have the mindset that you can do it all, you will eventually face the consequences. If you use the measuring stick of what is truly essential for you today, the consequences will be positive tomorrow. 

As a young stay-at-home Mom, I used to volunteer for things thinking – this will only take an hour. In truth, with the driving, planning, preparing and getting out the door, the hour turned into four or five. When I returned home, I was tired and cranky. I had used all my reserves for someone else. What was essential? What was my priority? My family. My little children who had no idea why I was not happy or why church stuff made me unhappy.

It was a disservice to God, first of all for me to say yes when my insides were saying no (quietly) and I reasoned it away. It was, and still can be a disservice to my family because my witness to them became – God, church, and all of that just makes people cranky. My attitude was not one of gratitude.

My kiddos are grown now. This doesn’t mean I suddenly have unlimited energy and time. I still must choose what is essential. I also have the added limitation of several immune system disorders. With that in mind, I must choose ONLY what is essential for me, not what others say is essential. I have tried that route. It only ends up affecting my body and no one else’s.

Once my energy envelope is empty, my mind, mood and attitude suffer and I have no one to blame except myself.

The way of the Essentialist means living by design, not by default. Instead of making choices reactively, the Essentialist deliberately distinguishes the vital few from the trivial many, eliminates the non-essentials, and then removes the obstacles so the essential things have clear, smooth passage. — Greg Mckeown

Many of the aspects of our mood and attitude we have control over. We can say “no” when we mean it. We can strip our calendars of things that we know are not our “best yes”.

We don’t have to do everything. We should never take on responsibility in order not to hurt someone’s feelings. They can take care of their own feelings. If whatever it is isn’t your primary responsibility is, let it go.

 

 Here are some of the resources mentioned on the show:

Dr. Caroline Leaf

Urban Woman Syndrome

You can listen to the podcast here:

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Make sure you sign up here to follow us by email to get your free gift and receive notifications of a new post, plus our monthly newsletter!

 

 

Marcy Holder and Heart Connection 101

Marcy Holder joins Kathleen for a lively discussion on what happens when women are overwhelmed with the issues of life. Marcy is a Spiritually-Focused Personal Coach. In January, Marcy is hosting a four-week growth opportunity for women drowning in the details their lives who want to love their people well and live from a place of purpose but experience anger and anxiety they just can’t seem to shake, symptoms of heart disconnection. Grab a cup of coffee and join us!

Episode 50

Untitled design (2)Untitled design (1)From Marcy:

In Heart Connection 101 you’ll learn how to cultivate growth and deepen your faith by connecting with your heart.
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My own journey to connecting with my heart helped me sort through emotional and religious baggage that kept me from loving my people well and living a life of purpose.
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Every Friday in January, I’ll send you a video sharing examples and principles that helped me reconnect with my heart. You’ll also receive printable materials for reading and personal reflection. I’ll be available for email support or you’re welcome to work through the material privately. On January 30th @ 7:00 we’ll do a group wrap-up zoom call. You’ll also receive several fun printables and a playlist to encourage your journey.
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I’d invite you to message me with questions or more details.
Life can be overwhelming, busy, and messy but when it comes to choosing, Relationships Matter and Lists can Wait. Our relationships with both God and the people we love most become healthier and more rewarding when we’re connected to our hearts.
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 You can find more info and sign up here!

You can follow Marcy on Instagram here.

Stay in Your Lane to Fulfill Your God-sized Dream

Have you ever sat back at the end of a day, a month and year and felt unsatisfied or fulfilled with your life? It’s not that you don’t have blessings, or some good things coming your way, there is just something inside that says, I would really love to fill in the blank.

Maybe you have a God-sized dream and you don’t want to say it out loud because someone might hear you and hold you to it or worse, laugh at you. But your dream is there, deep inside just waiting to be birthed.

May I tell you a few things that help us live out the vision God has placed within us?

1. Define your dream.

Often we don’t live out our God-sized dream because we don’t define it.

We might say some vague things such as:

  • I would like to help people.
  • I enjoy being a servant.
  • I love encouraging other people.

Those are great things to do. We should all aspire to do those. What is it that you love to do that makes you lose yourself? You lose track of time. You are so energized and engaged that you have no idea that four hours have passed. For me, it’s writing, research and teaching.

Once you answer that question-

What is it that you love to do that makes you lose yourself? 

Then you can define your dream by writing it down into something measurable.

I’m going to encourage women through teaching a Bible study.

I’m going to serve by opening up a food pantry for the community.

I’m going to practice hospitality by hosting a monthly coffee in my home.

Now, take your statement and break it down into steps that you can walk through and check off your list. Don’t be intimidated by this part. We often skip this step because for some reason we just think they will magically happen for us because we want it to.

God can open doors for us, it’s true.  In order for God to open a door, you have to drive to the building, so to speak.

God may redirect you a few times during the defining phase. It’s okay. It’s all part of the process. Taking the step to define your dream/vision is one step closer to doing something. Do something, lest you do nothing. Stay in your lane.png

2. Stay in your lane.

I think many of us (myself included) would sometimes rather coast in someone else’s lane and watch their God-sized dream come to fruition. It’s fun to be the helper and cheer someone else on until you reach the top of the mountain peak and realize your mountain is on the other side of the valley. All of the accolades for your friend will not fulfill your purpose. I get it. It’s scary putting ourselves out there and saying, “I want to write the book, not be on the launch team for the 100th time.” It sounds selfish to say we have dreams (I’ll get to that in a minute).

I would never say don’t help your friends. That’s a great investment of your time. Just make sure you drive in your own lane more than your friends’, neighbors’ and everyone shouting at you to join their cause. There’s a reason.

God gives you sufficient energy to do what He has called YOU to do, not what every lady in your church is doing.

God is not responsible for the physical and emotional consequences when you drive out of your lane. You will never arrive at the destination of your God-sized dream if you are driving aimlessly.

I’m preaching to the Guire here. For years my life was ordered by what all the other church ladies and my friends were doing. We were doing great stuff, guys! Serving and encouraging. Blessing others. My problem? I used my energy envelope on that good stuff and then was too exhausted to do my real job well. For awhile that job was exclusively mothering, homeschooling and running a co-op. When my kids got a little older, God directed me to start writing. After doing all the other good stuff, I had nothing left. No energy to write. Nothing. And that was not God’s fault. Or the other ladies. Or the church’s. It was mine. All mine.

3. Your dream isn’t selfish. It’s not about you at all.

Read that one more time. Often we don’t pursue our God-sized dream because we think it is selfish. If your God-sized dream is to run away to a tropical island and sip fruity drinks all day, then maybe it is. The truth is, I have never met a woman who hasn’t had a big dream. It takes time for us to own up to this because we don’t want to seem as if we want to make a name for ourselves. That’s not what God-sized dreams are about. They are about taking something that you can’t possibly do on your own, and giving God the glory every step of the way.

Your God-sized dream is about other people. It’s about God’s plan being lived out on this earth because you are obedient.

Years ago I was taking an online memoir writing class. Things were going great. I felt as if my writing was getting better. The teacher seemed to think so. She wrote me some encouraging words. I was feeling pretty comfortable with her…so, I told her my God-sized dream of helping a million orphans and of a vision I had. She told me I seemed unhinged and not to put that in my memoir. (*Just a note- don’t tell everyone your God-sized dream, not everyone gets it). If my God-sized dream includes helping orphans, is it really about me? Nope. Just like your dream. It’s about the people on the receiving end.

I’m sure you have a God-sized dream. It may be staying home and raising kiddos (that was mine for a season and then they grew up). It may be hosting a Bible study, writing a book, serving at an outreach, or fill in the blank. Take some time today and write down your dream. Make some measurable objectives so you can start driving in the right direction. If you, like me, know what your dream is and you need to get back in your lane, start putting up some boundaries. Many times, saying “NO” is the best thing you can do. A “Yes” that is accompanied by frustration, whining, complaining and dragging your feet the whole way is not producing any good fruit. And remember, your God-sized dream is not about you.

  • Thanks to Amy Breitmann for the “stay in your lane” idea!

 

How to Hurry with JOY

 I have been in a storm of hurry. How about you?  My insides are in turmoil while I have a smile pasted on my face. Instead of floating on the grace of God, I tread water, thrashing on the inside, outwardly mimicking a smile and I feel as if I am drowning.

 I pray the prayers of the one drowning in hurry:

Please not one more knock at the door.

Not one more thing to add to my plate.

I need not to hurry. Help me slow down.

God has been reminding me a lot recently to trust Him. To float, so to speak. Just let the interruptions come and be flexible. Trust that he is in control of every aspect of my life.

Don’t hurry the time away just to get to the next thing.

Once I choose NOT to hurry in a time-pressured situation, then I am able to do things quickly without a hurried heart.

What?

Does that make sense?  I didn’t know it was possible for me.  I usually turn into robotic woman, devoid of feelings and as fast as the bionic woman (you young ones will have to google her) when I have multiple tasks to complete in a short time frame.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, I remind myself.  Slow down, a new maxim for me, what’s the hurry?  How do I not hurry and hurry at the same time? I was getting ready to leave the house this morning. I hurried on the outside and not the inside. What’s that feeling I have? I stopped for a second and thought, it’s JOY.

“Everything if given to God can become your gateway to joy.”- Elisabeth Elliot (2)

“Everything if given to God can become your gateway to joy.”- Elisabeth Elliot

Do the next thing.

I like to think.  I put these thoughts down on paper, hurriedly mind you, and thought:

Lord how do these mesh with what you have been teaching me about slowing down.  How is joy found in the midst of an errand storm? How is joy found in the middle of my tense shoulders?

On to the store.  How will I handle this one, Lord without a tension headache?  Twenty minutes and counting down.  As I practically ran at breakneck speed through the aisle with my eye scanning the shelf for salsa verde, I asked the Lord, how do I not hurry when I am in a hurry?  Smile. Take a deep, puff-out-my-belly-breath. Whew, I round the corner, smile in place and BOOM-a smile back. I made second of connection with another human being. I feel frozen in time.  Hurry on the outside, not the in. Warmth flooded my heart. I rushed to the cash register to be greeted by a long line. I can wait. Smile at the cashier. Late is not the end of the world or my Christianity.  Losing my peace, my temper, snapping at my children or strangers is sin. Then comes guilt and loss of a good witness.

Ann Kroeker shares:

“What are we passing on to the next generation – a legacy of love and service, practiced in a family that lives slow enough to take notice and respond?  Or are we modeling a life of hypocrisy, passing along nothing more powerful than the importance of arriving on time, as we call out, “Hurry! There’s no time for that- we’ve got to go!””

 

Joy CAN be found in the midst of the circumstances, but it is a choice.

It must be sought.  Joy and unbelief cannot co-exist. Complaining and thankfulness are polar opposites- one repels the other.  I cannot walk in the fruit of the Spirit and the fruit of the flesh at the same time. The flesh says hurry on the inside and the outside at the same time.  The flesh does not look for the connection of the human spirit or that quiet contemplation that can reside inside despite the outward circumstances. I’ll leave you with these three simple ideas that I am trying (by the grace of God) to put into practice.

Slow down on the inside.

Trust that God is in control of every moment, even the stressful ones.

Ask Him to show you how you can slow down on the inside and choose joy.

 

The Truth About Being a Peacemaker

When I mention that I tend to be a peacemaker, I often get advice such as:

Don’t let people walk all over you.

You need to stand up for yourself.

You need to practice some self-care.

While these things may be true… sometimes. I think we often get mixed up in this stew of modern culture that tells us:

Do what makes you happy.

Live for yourself.

Sacrifice has become a negative word in our society. It’s okay to sacrifice if it makes you happy, just not if it makes you uncomfortable? That just doesn’t make good gospel sense.

Peacemaking is uncomfortable work. It’s giving up what you want in the moment to serve the best interest of peace.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God..png

We are called to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us, not say “My way or the highway”. Jesus came not to be served, but to serve. To sacrifice His life so that we may be in relationship with the Father. What will we give up to be in relationship with those around us? What we will give up to maintain peace?

  • Having the last word?
  • Always being right?
  • Perfectionist tendencies? *OUCH*
  • Inability to be flexible?

In the book The Screwtape Letters, the demon Wormwood receives instruction from his Uncle Screwtape on how to manage his “patient”. This section pertains to family:

“When two human have lived together for many years, it usually happens that each has tones of voice and expressions of face which are almost unendurable irritating to the other. Work on that. Bring fully into the consciousness of your patient the particular life of his mother’s eyebrows which he learned to dislike in the nursery, and let him think how much he dislikes it.”

How often do we get offended in family or church life and don’t make peace? We chalk it up to our personality or bad temper. We play the blame game.

Here’s my question- How can we minster to the world if we can’t keep the peace in our own homes? Or in our church body?

Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.– Ephesians 5: 21

We are to be courteous to one another. Peacemakers.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.- Romans 12:18

If you’re naturally a peacemaker, go YOU. If you aren’t, find one and make friends. You could learn a thing or two from a peacemaker.