Family Relationships

Ten Lessons from Camp Lemon Lime

| The Whole House

Every year our family has a family camp here at the Guire Shire. My kids, grandkids and some friends join us for four days of swimming, eating, trampolining, crafts, camp fires, hammocking and berry picking.

Life likes to show us things. They may not be new things, but how many times do we need to learn a lesson before we get it?

Here’s some observations from the family:

1. Have a plan. If the plan doesn’t work for the moment, pitch it.

I made up cute index cards with chores for everyone. They got handed out to the first family who arrived. I picked them up several times and thought about handing them all out. I didn’t. I pitched them. It was a great idea, but my family seems to work like a well oiled machine and they just do the stuff. The cards suited my planner-type personality, but they were just paper reminders that we didn’t need.

2. You are going to be uncomfortable. It’s okay.

Being comfortable has become a goal in our culture. We want the temperature perfect, food just the way we like it and all of our circumstances to be favorable (count me in for all of the above). It’s just not reality when you are building relationships with family or anyone for that matter. There is a lot of denying oneself for the greater good of family. It means not always saying what you want to say. It means not getting your turn first or the fourth S’more.

“When two humans have lived together for many years it usually happens that each has tones of voice and expressions of face which are almost unendurably irritating to the other. Work on that. Bring fully into the consciousness of your patient that particular lift of his mother’s eyebrows which he learned to dislike in the nursery, and let him think how much he dislikes it. Let him assume that she knows how annoying it is and does it to annoy – if you know your job he will not notice the immense improbability of the assumption. And, of course, never let him suspect that he has tones and looks which similarly annoy her. As he cannot see or hear himself, this easily managed.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

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3. There are going to be meltdowns.

When people are out of there comfort zone, especially kids with capital letter syndromes, there are going to be meltdowns. Sometimes, it’s the adults melting down. Sometimes it is a kids. Often the fix is as simple as a snack, water or a nap for both of the above.

4. Don’t wait until you are too tired to make a pot of coffee.

One afternoon, one of the adults promised to make a pot of coffee. An hour later, there was still no coffee made. Isn’t that human nature? We wait until we are at the end of our rope before we ask for help. Coffee is help in this house, incase you are wondering. When adults can’t regulate because we are too tired, neither can the kiddos.

5. Don’t let five little girls vote on a movie.

Yep. That’s it for that one. Just pick the movie.

6. Keep the rules simple and short.

Our camp rules this year:

1. Be kind

2. Clean up after yourself

3. Have fun

*The rules are a modified ‘yes’ sandwich.

7. Have fun applies to the adults too.

This family has this lesson down pat. See the pictures above. No couch potato parents here which makes me proud. Swim with the kids. Play on the trampoline. Read stories. Have a tea party. Do the crafts. Enjoy the moment.

8. By the end of camp you drink from anyone’s water bottle.

We had a great system. We did. It involved a sharpie to put a name on water bottles or Gatorades. It worked well until the last day. I brought Moira up on the deck after swimming and she grabbed a Gatorade that was on the coffee table. No name on it. She took a big swig and so did I. Hunter was drinking it too. He admitted he had no idea who it belonged to. We share things, guys!

9. Kid mirror whomever they are around.

 Six month old Merrick watched his baby cousins escape the blanket and the family room by crawling. Soon, he followed suit. He is now crawling. Another child was afraid in the pool. Another child followed. It’s a chain reaction. Watch what you say. What what you do, because it will come back to you through a child. This is also a great thing. When we have great actions and reactions, the kids eventually follow suit.

10. Be thankful and say so.

There are so many things to be thankful for. We often forget these when everyone is cranky (I’m speaking of the adults here). When the whole family is together, we must remember what a blessing that is. It’s not something to be taken for granted. It’s a gift. My kids are a gift. They are amazing parents (the ones who have kids). All of them work together for a common goal such as getting kids changed for the pool, from the pool or making dinner. They get along. I know that is rare. It is a blessing.

We had a great family camp this year! It’s well worth the effort. If you missed the podcast about it, you can listen below or find us on iTunes!

 

Working Through the Seasons of Marriage

| The Whole House

Episode 26: Jessica and Kathleen talk about the different seasons of marriage. Consider it the prelude to our Marriage Habits Course! (Find more about this and how to sign up on our Facebook page!)

We are constantly entering new seasons in marriage – when babies are born, homeschooling, teens, and empty nests. Each time we have to make adjustments and pivot. If we don’t change to meet these new seasons, we can get stuck. We must evolve and make transitions to keep our marriages healthy. It’s important to get education, support, and encouragement from married women who have more experience and years of marriage under their belt, and Jessica and Kathleen want to offer it!

Podomatic link here.

iTunes link here.

 

Show Notes:

However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].- Ephesians 5:33

Switch on Your Brain by Dr. Caroline Leaf (book mentioned)

“You may be wondering which came first, the chicken-feminism-or the egg- male selfishness and immaturity. I believe the answer is feminism. From the first day The Feminine Mystique hit the bookstands, feminism did not focus on equal pay for equal work, but on how marriage, husband, men in general, and children in specific were ther enemies and the oppressors of true womanhood.” -Dr. Laura Schlessinger, The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage

 

When Your Child Leaves the Nest…

| The Whole House

I cried myself to sleep every night after my oldest daughter graduated and went to college. Then I had  a brief respite of four years before five kids graduated in a row.

My friend Lori is going through her eldest graduating this year and it has been an emotional roller coaster for her as well.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was like this?” she asked me.

I told her I hadn’t recovered from the trauma of it myself.

No one ever tells you that part. We go through seasons of just wishing this part was over when the sleepless nights drag on and on. We Moms wish the kiddos would get to the next stage, whether that is walking, talking or just plain growing up.

And then it happens. Senior year rolls around. It flies by. The independence has already heightened by this point. Part time jobs. Volunteering at the soup kitchen, babysitting, being a camp counselor. We’re so proud. We pat them on the back and say, “Great job!” So many accolades the last few years of school. Then senior pictures roll around and we Moms feel as if we have been sucker punched in the gut.

It’s almost as if we want to call it back, “I didn’t mean it! I didn’t really want you to grow up!”

But it’s too late. They are looking ahead to the future with stars in their eyes and we are looking back with tears in ours.

There are all these spiritual mantras about shooting your arrows into the world. When you train a child up in the way he should you, you shouldn’t be afraid to let them go. All of these are true. But, let’s talk about our emotions. Those are real. They don’t just disappear when someone preaches some platitudes.

Three things I want Moms to remember about your kids growing up:

 

  1. We worked all these years to attach. Detachment is a hard job. We have to detach in a healthy- go make some decisions kind of way without being a helicopter parent. That’s hard. Like REALLY hard. And even if our child seems as if he isn’t making the decision we want him to, we need to let him decide (I’m talking about selecting majors or getting jobs, not illegal stuff).
  2. It’s okay to mourn. When our kids leave home, we go through a grieving process. We need to. If you don’t cry, you can’t move on to the joy that comes in the morning. Lori-It’s as if sadness and crying is looked at as a weakness or a problem to fix. If you’re not a crier, find another way to grieve. There’s a time to mourn and a time to cry…that’s where I am.  I know there will be a time to dance. But you have to let all those times happen….not squash them.

Don’t skip the crying just because it’s hard..png

Don’t skip the crying because it’s hard…work through it and realize it’s only a season.  Then the dance will be so much sweeter

  1. Find friends who have gone through what you are going through. Cling to them. Ask them questions. Don’t try to bear the burden alone. There is wisdom in many counselors. Find some people you consider wise and pick their brains.

When it’s time for your kids to start adulting, prepare for the emotional roller coaster. You’ll be happy and sad at the same time. As Lori said on the podcast this week, when she realized that she was graduating her son, “I did it!!!! OH, WAIT, I did it.”

We Moms spend years attaching, teaching life skills, helping our kids learn how to read, how to fill out an application for a part time job, keeping them safe and the list goes on. We teach them to be independent. Suddenly, they are. They want to make choices without us. We rejoice over this, but with it comes a feeling of being left behind. It’s okay. Perfectly normal. Grieve. It’s okay. It’s just a stage in the journey. That same son/daughter who doesn’t want your opinion on a major will be calling you next week to ask you how to make mashed potatoes. True story. Hang in there Moms. it gets easier. It gets different, but easier. Before you know it, your son or daughter will be coming to you as a friend, a companion. There is a season for everything. This is just one of those seasons.

 

 

 

 

The Superpowers of Motherhood

| The Whole House

Moms, did you know you have superpowers? Maybe you don’t feel like it today. We understand. Here’s some good news. Moms do have superpowers. One of them is the power of your powers is influence.

Influence is “the capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on or produce effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of others,” according to www.dictionary.com

Moms have superpowers

Today, a congregation of women scream, “WE WANT POWER,” a cry of a hurting world.  Movies portray the powerful in the role of savior or destroyer. Super heroes rescue. Hobbits triumph over evil, hurling it back into the depth of the pit whence it came. Evil overlords pronounce supreme rulership over the world and wield destruction as their weapon.

And yet…it is the woman— the wife and mother— who wields the power of influence. She is that quiet warrior behind closed doors who scrubs bacteria from toilets, tucks wiggly bodies into beds, makes peanut butter sandwiches and judges Lego building contests.  She covers the words of the Lord with sticky-tabs and prays in the gray dawn for her husband, her children, and those sick in the church body, noticing those hurting souls. She makes the house feel like a home whether it is a trailer, an orphanage sick room, a suburban house, or a mansion in a gated community. She plants flowers, reminding the family that beauty exists when the money’s too tight to travel to a museum. She has water fights with teens in the backyard when the move to a new city just isn’t working out. She laughs at a child’s first attempt at a joke.

The mother holds the “flagon with the dragon, the chalice with the palace, the cup of poison” (The Court Jester, with Danny Kaye). She can share the poisoned cup and live in a negative environment, full of negativity and strife. She also holds the honey-flavored drink of kindness that she can dispense regularly for a sweet environment. It is up to her which one she drinks and shares from and which she throws out.

Our culture tends to look at the work of a mother with disdain and pity. She is viewed as powerless. The common belief is that mother must leave the home for a full time career to influence the world. But C. S. Lewis, in one of his collected letters, wrote, “The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only—and that is to support that career.”

Oh, she is powerful enough to turn the earth on its axis! Night can quickly become day, or vice versa, under her influence. The power I lacked in the orphanage was authority over medical issues and freedom of transportation. I was not powerless. In spending time with them, interacting, playing, I was answering the question, “Is life good?” My children needed a “Yes!”  answer. They needed to know there was more to life— a different life— than the neglect and mere survival they had experienced. (excerpt from A Positive Adoption Story: The Door from Theology to Reality)

Listen to this week’s The Whole House Podcast for more about the Superpowers of Motherhood! Subscribe on iTunes here.

Podomatic here.

Make Your Family’s Personality Shine This Christmas

| The Whole House

What makes your family unique? What makes you shine? Guess what? You don’t have to be like everyone else! You don’t. You can do things this season that fit your family personality even if your friends, family and church are doing other things. What fits your family? Playing board games on Christmas Eve 🎄? Visiting a book store and hanging out drinking coffee ☕️? Having lasagna on Christmas Day? Those are some things the Guire family does. What about you? What fits your family personality?

Make your

During the Christmas season we can grow weary in well doing and just downright exhausted. When we do, our family personality can turn sour during fun activities. A simple conversation about flying reindeer can turn into an argument. Cookie baking day can quickly fall into a disaster day. How do we avoid these sour attitudes?

Remember to take a rest day, don’t pile too much on your plate and most of all, remember our fight is not against flesh and blood, there is a war going on above your head in the heavenlies.

Satan likes to steal, kill and destroy. He loves to destroy the atmosphere of family time.

Pray this section of scripture for your family, inserting each family member’s names. The Word is a powerful tool! Try it!

Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your (insert names)mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it.

30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God [do not offend or vex or sadden Him], by Whom you (insert names)were sealed (marked, branded as God’s own, secured) for the day of redemption (of final deliverance through Christ from evil and the consequences of sin).

31 Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you (insert names), with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind).

32 And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.- Ephesians 4: 29-32

*(insert names) added by me.

This Christmas season, let’s remember to let our family’s personality shine!