Whose job is it anyway?- The Modern Women’s Guide to Housewifery

The expectations of a stay at home Mom are often high. Add homeschooling to the mix and often the bar is raised instead of lowered.

  • Your schoolroom/area should be perfect
  • Your kids should be well dressed and clean all the time
  • Your home should be sparkly clean and farmhouse perfectly decorated (or whatever your style is) at all times.

Like in the fifties television shows, Dad comes home from work, sits in his easy chair and reads the newspaper. Mom, wearing her string of pearls and a dress covered by an apron finishes preparing a lovely home cooked meal.

Unfortunately, as beautiful as this picture may be, or maybe this picture makes you downright angry. It’s just not reality.

This series was sparked by some recent conversations with friend and Whole House peeps who need some help, clarity and wisdom (myself included). Some of us gals have hired outside help to clean our homes *GASP*. Yep. Me. I did that. This triggered a text conversation between hubby and I which we accidentally had on a group text with male church friend (YIKES) who finally joined the conversation with:

I don’t know what’s going on with you guys, but I’m praying for you.

Hubby relented to my plea to have some outside help with:

You’ve got a lot on your plate right now, so if it is going to help you- go for it.

It was true. I had a lot on my plate with preparing a workshop, podcasts, writing deadlines, etc… But, here’s the real question- Whose job is it anyway? To clean the house? To manage the house? Whose job is it anyway_Times have changed. It’s not the fifties anymore. Society has changed. One thing that won’t change is stuff has to get done. Houses have to get cleaned ish. Laundry won’t do itself. Meals have to be prepared. So, again, whose job is it anyway?

The truth is – you and your hubby need to have this conversation. If jobs are divided verbally or on paper, it makes it easier to know what your responsibilities are. It’s unrealistic to think that the woman must do everything.

“One way the modern conservative movement has hurt the family is by regarding the man as the head in all decisions, rather than the overall leader of the home and family. Men have been taught they should have control over every decision and aspect of homelife, often requiring their wives to seek their final say on every decision about money and home care. This isn’t true to the Biblical model of servant/servant relationship, or the man as the spiritual and directional head of the home. We don’t see the Proverbs 31 woman seeking permission to buy a field, care for servants, and prepare the house for difficult seasons. The erosion of trust in the ability of Christian women to act like rational, intelligent adults is hurting the family and creating constant stress— men are asked for permission that they decline because they can’t see the need in the same way, and women feel frustrated because the head of the home has essentially forbidden her from caring for the home in a way that benefits everyone.”- Audrey Simmons

Maybe you have never actually had a conversation about who should do what in the household. Here are some questions to ask your hubby to get you started:

1.What jobs do you expect me to do?

 2.What is your definition of a well run, successful home? Is it a perfectly clean home? Happy, well rounded kids?

3.What’s most important to you in how the household looks and runs, and what are you willing to do to help make that possible?

Tomorrow I’ll be continuing the series with some home and work scenarios!
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Feigned Feminism

Amerey and Kathleen ask some important questions – what is real feminism? Are women created equal? What is the origin of feminism? It all began in the Garden with a serpent. Join these ladies as they talk through these questions and get a little goofy along the way. (There may or may not be some singing in this episode.)Episode 31 (2)

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Show Notes:

Why is the word feigned in the series title?

feigned-simulated or pretended; insincere.

I’ll just be up front. I think the modern feminism is pretend. It’s not true feminism. It’s not true equal rights. I’ll get more into that later. Now you have the foundation of the title, let’s move forward.

When and why did feminism begin?

“Now the serpent was more subtle and crafty than any living creature of the field which the Lord God had made. And he [Satan] said to the woman, Can it really be that God has said, You shall not eat from every tree of the garden?”- Genesis 3:1

Eve is hanging out in the garden and here comes satan, not a tiny garter snake, but a huge creature. He went straight for Eve, why?

Several of my sons (and hubby) are history buffs. One in particular loves Civil War history, particularly the battles. War strategy is not my strength, I don’t know how to get out a map and plan out a battle. One thing I have learned is, if you can, target people in the position of power and the whole infrastructure may crumble. Often we hear that satan went after Eve because she was weak. What if he went after her because she was powerful? Think about that for a minute. Let your suppositions reshuffle. It’s okay. I can wait. Ready?

The word subtle in the Hebrew -(עָרוּם) adjective crafty, shrewd, sensible

Satan was crafty, shrewd and according to Bible teacher and theologian, Jim Cavins (author of the Great Adventure Bible Study), intimidating. He went after Eve because she was powerful, not because she was weak. He went after her by using her weakness. Don’t confuse the two. She had the power of influence. As the mother of all living, women bring life wherever they go. They have influence, as proved by Eve convincing Adam to eat the fruit.(More on this topic in a later post). In one moment, Eve used her power to change the world, as they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and instantly lost their preternatural gifts.

The Curse followed.

 And the Lord God said to the serpent, Because you have done this, you are cursed above all [domestic] animals and above every [wild] living thing of the field; upon your belly you shall go, and you shall eat dust [and what it contains] all the days of your life.

15 And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her [a]Offspring; He will bruise and tread your head underfoot, and you will lie in wait and bruise His heel.“-Genesis 3:14, 15

True feminism is a battle against the curse. The curse of satan, ever adamant to destroy the true purpose of women. The curse of the battle, which isn’t against flesh and blood humans, but against principalities and world-rulers of this present darkness (Ephesians 6:12) the enmity between the woman and satan.  Satan twisted the Word and bruises and treads on our heads with his non existent feet, that is, he fills women’s minds with falsehoods, telling us that we are a lesser species, that what we do is not valuable, that we must be like men in order to be powerful. The sad truth is many of us have stopped fighting and we believe the lie that we must be the version of feminism fed to us by cultural elitists of today. Women must remember he is like a small dog, nipping at our heels. We must smash his head with the truth. Feminism began in the garden of Eden.

Let me take you a step back, one chapter earlier when Eve was created.

“Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.” Genesis 2:18

“In Genesis 2:18 the word “Helpmeet” does not occur. The Hebrew expression ezer kenegdo appears meaning “one who is the same as the other and who surrounds, protects, aids and supports’. There is no indication of inferiority or of a secondary position in a hierarchical separation of the male and female “spheres” of responsibility, authority or social position.”- Dr. Susan Hyatt, In the Spirit We’re Equal

I hauled out my huge Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance and studied myself (cause that’s me) and it is true. God always intended for men and women to be equal. Satan started the war on the sexes and between them in the garden. It’s been going on ever since, satan nipping at  women’s heels (and that of her offspring) through the culture of civilizations from the beginning to the misguided feminism in our’s today. The more evil the culture the more women are mistreated, misused  and devalued. Women and men are not the same, that’s where feigned feminism gets off track. We are unique and have distinctive gifts, talents and strengths. That’s another post!

To wrap it up? Why feminism?

The purpose of Adam and Eve was to be one holy family. Family is the foundation of God’s world. He has made it so.

“As the source of the family and life itself, the union of the sexes ‘is placed at the center of the great struggle between good and evil, between life and all that is opposed to love.”- Theology of the Body for Beginners

If you want to know what is most valuable, look for what is most fought against, what is being battled most vehemently and violently profaned. There is the crux of true feminism, equality. In the eyes of our heavenly Father, equality already exists. In the eyes of this present darkness, it is muddled, captive by satan’s  so-called philosophy, intellectualism and vain deceit (idle fancies and plain nonsense), following human tradition (men’s ideas of the material rather than the spiritual world) (Colossians 2:8).  Profaning the value women and their power of influence, to tear down the family is the purpose of satan, see the curse, he bears his fangs and bites where our suppositions, ideas, theologies originate. Women’s heads are filled with false doctrine. When our Achilles heel is damaged, we cannot walk in our purpose.

When did feminism begin?

In the Garden of Eden. Both true feminism, equality with men and feigned feminism, the war of the sexes for equality, both began in the first three chapters of the history  of civilization.

“There is [now no distinction] neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is not male and female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”– Galatians 3:28

Don’t Just Survive, Thrive! (Part 4) Feigned

Modern feminism tells us women that we can/should have it all. We can have it all and there will be no consequence? That’s just not possible. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Basic science. If we have it ALL, we have to maintain it ALL.

Feigned Feminism Friday

We should have it all together, right? As soon as we get one step in the right direction of “I’ve got it all covered”, then circumstances happen that throw us into the pit.

You are not alone, dear one. It’s going to be okay. Really. Can I share three things that have helped me? Three things I need reminded of 0ften? I learned them from John 5, the story of the man at the pool of Bethesda and from Holley gerth (via her book You’re Going to be Okay). If you missed the first three articles, start here!

If you work through steps one and two, get up and take up your bedroll, step three becomes so much easier.

  1. Start Walking.

Each of us has a specific purpose. We do. We’re that special. Breathe. You have a purpose too. It’s not just all the other gals you follow on Instagram. You.

“Stress makes us short-sighted. Our bodies are wired in such a way that when our fight or flight system is triggered, we react. We’re not thinking noble thoughts about the meaning of life or world peace. We’re just trying to save ourselves…The trouble is, many of us live in chronic stress.” (Holley Gerth)

The truth is, you weren’t created to strive or survive, you were created to thrive. Each of us have, through life experience or through the desire of our heart, a unique purpose. We feel thing deeply about this purpose. For instance, when it comes to orphans, adoption, foster care and adoptive/foster parents, I park my purpose there. I spend my time there, working, praying, writing content, encouraging, offering ETC training and praying. God took my past, renewed it and transformed it into a purpose that I can walk in.

Friend Lori makes baby quilts and she is good at it. Maybe the desire and purpose for making each new Mom and baby feel celebrated comes out of her past (that’s her story to tell). What would happen if I gave up my purpose to make baby quilts? That’s a good thing, right? I may even learn how to make a decent one, after a decade or so. The whole time I would be walking in the wrong direction. I would feel angst in my soul as if I were fighting against myself. The angst would created unneeded stress and probably depression. When Jesus told the man at the pool to start walking, He meant in the path God had prepared for Him specifically, not to randomly walk. Pool guy went to the temple where he ran into Jesus, who said, “You look wonderful!’

One bit of warning. When you begin to walk in your God given purpose and you’re acting counter-culturally, the opposite direction of modern feminism, there will be naysayers. Jesus healed the pool guy on the Sabbath, a cultural no-no for Jews. Jesus responded to this with ,”My Father is working straight through, even on the Sabbath. So am I.”

It reminds me of many years ago when my mother wanted to open a food pantry in our community and the church leaders told her there was NO NEED. My mom and Bud had moved to the hills of WV because she had been born here. The hunger she had experienced as a child turned into a purpose to feed the hungry. She opened the pantry and it is still running twenty-one years after her death. Don’t let people talk you out of your purpose. Don’t be interested in crowd approval. Be content with God approval. Be set on the purpose God has given you. Walk in it.

“We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God has prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

“When Life comes along and slaps us silly, it can feel as if God’s purpose for us has now been cancelled. But nothing can stop His purpose for us….just because your circumstances are hard doesn’t mean God’s purpose for you has changed.” (Holley Gerth)

Even if you feel as if you are the ONLY one doing what you are doing and you KNOW God led you to do it, DO IT ANYWAY.  If you tell a group of friends that you are ________________ and aren’t going to ________________________ and they try to redirect you, listen to your purpose, not theirs. It’s okay to act counter culturally. Jesus did.

Do you want to be well? Do you want to be satisfied in your soul? Get up. Stop believing the lies. Your circumstances are not a measure of your worth. You are infinitely loved. You are chosen. Take up your bedroll. Picking up your bedroll is taking responsibility for yourself and your choices. Get off the treadmill of what is expected and run the race at a meaningful and profitable pace. Ask yourself, what sort of fruit does this activity produce? Start walking. You were made for a purpose and actually, mini, many purposes. Your purpose may change with the seasons of your life. Just remember to walk in the path of your purpose, not someone else’s.

The last thing Jesus said to the healed pool guy was, “Don’t return to a sinning life or something worse may happen.” In other words, don’t go back to the habits or patterns of thinking and living that keep you beside the pool instead of in it. The living water is available to you. The Word renews your mind and transforms your thinking. Take the time to feed yourself whatever is true.

“Come to Me.. be with Me. All you who are weary and beat up by this life. Who have lost faith in religion. Who’ve lost faith in yourself. Find it in Me. And as you do, you will find rest and peace and purpose for your soul,”

Don’t Just Survive, Thrive! (Part 3) Feigned Feminism Friday

Modern feminism tells us women that we can/should have it all. We can have it all and there will be no consequence? That’s just not possible. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Basic science. If we have it ALL, we have to maintain it ALL. As Bud, my stepfather used to say, “Something’s got to give.” It’s like those people who want a pool (it’s great), but don’t want to do the work of vacuuming it, keeping the patio clean, testing the water, etc.. Point is, if you have it, you have to maintain it.

You are not alone, dear one. It’s going to be okay. Really. Can I share three things that have helped me? Three things I need reminded of 0ften? I learned them from John 5, the story of the man at the pool of Bethesda and from Holley gerth (via her book You’re Going to be Okay). 

*If you missed the first two articles in this series, start here. If you haven’t done so, take a minute and read John 5.

Feigned Feminism Friday

2. Take up your bedroll.

We all make messes with our lives. We stay angry when we should forgive. We stay in the pit of depression when we know we should get up and make the bed. We fill our calendars to overflowing and joke about how overwhelmed we are. It becomes our new normal. We’ve lived on the outskirts of healing for so long that we feel more comfortable under stress than we do with peace. We are so used to calamity and tight ‘run to the next thing’ schedules that we forget what peace feels like. We forget the feeling of reading a great book. Lying on the grass and watching the clouds go by. Sitting out on the front porch in the evening just because. Making cookies with your kids just to eat, not for an event.

peace

Picking up your mat is taking responsibility for yourself. It’s the old adage, you make a mess, you clean it up. If you are overburdened, over stressed and your day’s schedule is maxed out, what can you cut out?Ask yourself this question- Does this have eternal value? OR- Does this bring value to my life period? Temporal or otherwise. It is producing the good fruit of peace, joy, love kindness faithfulness, goodness, or self-control? I’m not saying it should be all sunshine and daisies (my favorite flower). I’m asking, does it profit you and your household? For instance, exercise uses the fruit of self-control and produces the fruit of a healthier you.

Serving on three committees a week may seem like a good thing, but it may not be profitable for you. It may rob your of family time, of rest and sanity. If you’re just working for the Lord and not spending any time with Him you’re not going to reap connection and relationship. Same with your family, if you are not investing time in them, you won’t reap connection and relationship. Same goes for yourself, are you investing good things in yourself? Exercise, healthy eating and periods of rest and recovery? Are you filling your mind with junk food, too much tv and social media? Or healthy soul food, the Word, great literature and helpful encouraging podcasts?

Take a few minutes right now and ask the Lord to show you how to ‘take up your bedroll’ today. Take the path of peace instead of pressure. When your calendar is too full, ask Him what should/could go. I don’t have it all figured out. I overbook myself, over do it and crash. Today, let’s agree together to take a moment and clean up after ourselves and move towards a more healed and peaceful today. Get in the pool of peace.

 

Don’t Just Survive, Thrive! (Part 2) Feigned Feminism Friday

Modern feminism tells us women that we can/should have it all. We can have it all and there will be no consequence? That’s just not possible. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Basic science. If we have it ALL, we have to maintain it ALL.

Feigned Feminism Friday

Modern woman have it all, but according to Dr. Villar, author of Urban Woman Syndrome, we are paying a hefty price. Women or more likely to suffer stress and anxiety these days than men. The stressors in women’s lives are greater than they were in our mother’s time. Whether you work or stay at home (and work), the pressure is greater to ‘have it all together’ in a world that is falling apart.You are not alone, dear one. It’s going to be okay. Really. Can I share three things that have helped me? Three things I need reminded of 0ften? I learned them from John 5, the story of the man at the pool of Bethesda and from Holley gerth (via her book You’re Going to be Okay). You can find the rest of the first article here.

Ready for the first step?

  1. Get up.

Jesus told the man at the pool to get up. Pool guy had let his circumstances define him for thirty-eight years.

There was a certain man there who had suffered with a deep-seated andlingering disorder for thirty-eight years.”

Guess what, your circumstances don’t define you. They are not who you are. They are simply where you are.

“What the enemy tries to whisper to us whenever we struggle is this, “If God really loved you, this wouldn’t be happening.”” (Holley Gerth) Not true. We live in a fallen world. People make choices that affect us. This world has sickness, sin and suffering. This world and all it’s circumstances don’t define us. God doesn’t love us less because we are suffering.

Don’t believe the lie the man at the pool believed- I’m not really loved. Nobody cares about me. No one will help me. Lies. All lies.

You are infinitely loved. God loved you and thought of your adoption into HIs family before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1). Nothing can separate you from the love of Christ (Romans 8:38-39). You are not what you feel. If you feel overwhelmed, stressed and like a failure, those are feelings, not a determination of WHO you ARE. You are loved! Stand up sister and encourage yourself in the Lord. Look up scriptures including those above and memorize them. Hide them in your heart. Make them part of your arsenal. Pull out the weapon of the Word and fight like a girl.