Battling Old Mindsets

Do circumstances boss you around or is it mindsets?

I’ve been wrestling with this for a few weeks. I often think that my reaction to what is happening around me is the only thing I need to be concerned about. What about you?

Being reactive in situations is a difficult thing to sort. Even when I think I am reacting in the right way outwardly, I am often unaware of my inner reaction until someone asks me how I am. Or I read an article or watch a video or hear a song, then the tears flow and I’m thinking, where in the world did that come from?

Often my trigger gets flipped and I don’t even know it. It  is hidden, like a secret switch buried deep within a secure military base. I don’t even know it is there. Outwardly, I am in ‘control’. I am renewing my mind with the Word, praying and doing all the right things. Then some event flips the switch. I don’t even know it. There are no lights flashing. No warning. It’s quiet and subtle. Then I begin to inflate like a helium balloon. Someone says something and  I pop.

I was driving on the interstate yesterday. Lori and I were meeting at the venue for The Gathering to draw our map and fill out papers. I was listening to “You were Made to Thrive” by Casting Crowns on repeat and belting it out at the top of my lungs. I had been in an emotional funk for days. I couldn’t put my finger on why. As I sang, I heard a still small whisper.

You are holding onto an old mindset.

What? No, I’m not. I’ve been reading all these books on the mind, God. Renewing it. Who Switched on My Brain by Dr. Caroline Leaf. Battle Ready by Kelly Balarie. Watching videos and listening to praise music.

You’re holding on to an old mindset.

God is doesn’t give up on us. He doesn’t back down. Like the song says, there’s no shadow he won’t light up coming after me.

Sometimes our battle is not with what is happening to us, but an old mindset that keeps us trapped.

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I have several autoimmune diseases. I won’t go into that in-depth, but suffice to say that there have been two points in my life that I was almost bedridden. I passed out at random times. I couldn’t handle much activity at all. I couldn’t travel.

During those periods, I began to think differently about what I could handle. I began to believe that I wasn’t going to make it. I literally wanted to die.  I just didn’t want to live and not be able to function. My muscles wasted away. My adrenals surged all the time. My hands shook. I had to take breaks walking up the stairs.

So, here I was driving, my body functioning well. I can do more today than I have been able to do for years. I’m not crashing. So, what was that mindset that I had slidden back into that was poisoning everything?

I’m not going to make it. This is too much for me. Everything is going to fall apart. I can’t hold myself together.

It all came bubbling back up. The old way of doing. The old way of feeling. The old way of handling life. I was expecting myself to crash. Not physically. Just mentally. Emotionally. I forgot the truth that I wasn’t there anymore. It was if I were bedridden and unable to function even though I had just left a Pop Pilates class and felt great. Isn’t  it amazing what a trigger can do? I don’t know when it was flipped or why.

After a good cry last night and talking through some things with my team, I realized I needed a mini vacation for my emotions. I needed to think about how I  was filtering things through the old mindset and get a reset. I listened to Lauren Daigle’s , Look up Child and sang along with tears streaming down my face. I read some of Battle Ready

 

Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon. God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apple them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.- Ephesians 6: 13-18 The Message

 

Do you have old mindsets coming back to rule the roost? Have you been emotional and don’t know why? Is there something I can pray about for you? Leave it in the comments. I get it. Life throws you for a loop sometimes, even when it looks as if everything is going well.