Why is my child hoarding/having food issues again and what can I do?

My Food Issues

When I was in college, I struggled with food issues. I’m sure it began before then, but symptoms peaked during my college years. I began severely restricting my calories, allowing myself to eat a bowl of oatmeal as my one meal of the day. Once I ate, I worked out, walked with weights on my ankles for five miles at a time. I was slowly killing myself. I just didn’t know it. What I felt was light and powerful. Not eating was something I could control in a very out of control world.

It wasn’t until I was in my early twenties that I read this statement in a fitness book “food is fuel.” I had never thought about the concept before. I grew up in a home where we ate meals together at a table. It wasn’t just food, it was family time. It was healthy food as well as healthy connection time.  I don’t know how and why I went astray. I don’t think anyone could have “talked me” out of my food issues by telling me they were “bad” or “wrong.” I also don’t know why I enjoyed the floaty feeling not eating gave me. I don’t enjoy it now.

But this isn’t about me. I say all that to say I understand food issues. I know they aren’t very understandable or clear to most people. It’s like those people who don’t understand depression who say, “Just pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get over it.” That doesn’t help at all.

Three Thoughts on Why Food Issues are Back

Maybe during this social distancing crazy time, your child who has made progress in food issues has suddenly regressed. Issues you thought were in the past are now in your present. Why?

I have a few thoughts on why.

  1. When stressed we regress. Think about that for a moment. During this crazy season, what’s one habit you had left behind that you’ve picked up like a comfy cardigan. Maybe it’s smoking. Eating tons of sweets. Staying glued to your phone. Biting your nails. If you have a habit fresh in your mind, you will better understand your child’s regression. He is stressed even if he can’t verbalize it.
  2. Food is something controllable. See my story above. Looking back, it was probably a bad idea for an introvert like me who had strong family ties to go to the big university. It stressed me in ways I couldn’t verbalize. Gone were the family dinners. The devotions with breakfast. So I turned against food. I controlled my environment by not eating. It couldn’t tell me what to do. Maybe food for your kiddo is comfort. Maybe stealing/hoarding makes him feel as if he has a voice. To explain this phenomenon, Dawn Davenport wrote an article titled “Hoarding, Overeating, & Food Obsessions in Adopted & Foster Kids” for Creating a Family. In it, she notes, “Many adopted and foster children with a history of food insecurity are very interested in food when they first arrive home, which presents as a collection of behaviors often referred to as ‘hoarding.’ Hoarding is a natural reaction to food insecurity and may present as eating quickly, stuffing large amounts of food in their mouths, stealing and sneaking food, and getting upset when food is limited.”
  1. When in survival mode, we are impulsive beings. We don’t think about the consequences. I wasn’t thinking about the long term consequences to my physical body I was creating. Plus, no one really knew how much I was restricting my calories. I fooled them by keeping a cup of coffee in my hands at all family events (yikes, am I doing that now?)

So what do we do?

If someone would have been aware of  my food issues, they could have helped me if done in the right way. “Food is fuel” totally changed my mindset about food. It sent me to my upstairs brain and I had to think about food in a new way. 

Impulsiveness is a sign we are in our downstairs brain. The executive function is out to lunch (pun intended). How do we engage the upstairs brain?

  1. During a time the kiddo is not in impulsivity mode, teach some science. With younger kids, teach them to recognize the feeling of a full stomach. Talk about food and how it makes you feel. Let them do the same. When I eat ____ I feel… Let them be honest even if it doesn’t make sense to you. Work on helping the kiddo recognize the feeling of satiety. Have him put his hand on his stomach and  become aware of when it feels full. This is not a one-time practice or a quick fix. It takes years. Also, to develop a healthy relationship with food, it’s important to know which foods are healthy and why we eat them. 

 The point is to get the kiddos in their upstairs brain. This is where logic lives. For older kiddos -teach them as much science as they can handle. Find info like this for them to read on their own (instead of preaching it) –

“Eating sugar also affects how we act and feel each day. If you’ve ever tried to give up sugar, you know that during the first few days you are feeling cranky and miserable, almost like a drug addict without his or her drug of choice. Sugar consumption causes a hormonal roller coaster of alternating high levels of insulin and blood sugar. These hormonal shifts can dramatically affect your attitude and your ability to concentrate during the day. Sugar has been found to be a major contributor to diseases and symptoms like:

 • Atherosclerosis 

• Attention deficit disorder and attention-deficit/ hyperactivity disorder • Behavior problems

 • Cancer 

• Chronic fatigue syndrome 

• Colon cancer 

• Coronary heart disease 

• Food intolerance 

• Kidney disease 

• Liver disease 

• Malnutrition 

• Osteoporosis 

• Overgrowth of yeast, especially Candida albicans 

• Tooth decay 

• Violent tendencies”

Isabel Price, New Life Promise
  1. Don’t make the issue about the child. Whatever you do, don’t make any eating struggles about the child. Avoid saying things like, “You’re going to get fat if you eat like that!” Remember, the point is to develop a healthy relationship with food, not to have a restrictive, punitive mentality. Teaching kids about healthy choices and how to recognize their own feeling of “full” is a better way to address eating struggles.
  2. Give your child choice and voice. One of the ways you can give your child choice and voice is a snack basket. I did this with my kiddos when they were struggling. It helped them feel secure knowing there was a snack available at all times.

Food hoarding and food aversion are not something your kids made up to annoy you or other people. Food issues are a behavior with a need behind them. Overcoming them takes time, research, patience, and a ton of self-sacrifice — but it is possible.

What am I Going to Eat?

I’ve been stuck in panic mode today. What am I panicking about? Food. Yep. That’s right, food. Weird, huh? I’m going on vacation to visit some of my favorite people, but there is always a nagging thought in the back of my head- What am I going to eat? Okay, it’s a shouting thought.

What am I going to eat_.png

My word for the year is “study”. It has been on my heart to study the mind.  God wants me to get my health in line. It’s been a constant learning curve for me since I was diagnosed with CFS and hypothyroidism in 2005, and Celiac disease in 2011.

I’ve read tons of articles on CFS and immune system diseases in general.  There is all sorts of advice for eating right, exercising to your ability level, getting an adequate amount of sleep and drinking enough water. All of those things are good. I need to do all of those things and so do you.

Last week, I talked a little bit on the website about falling back into old mindsets.

Sometimes our battle is not with what is happening to us, but an old mindset that keeps us trapped. The mindset that keeps trying to re-insert itself into my life is- you won’t have food to eat or you will get cross contamination and be miserable. That’s just no way to live. Fear of this sort is about something that could happen, but my body reacts as if it already were true.

Mindsets become strongholds. Strongholds form new pathways within our brains. When the new pathway forms, it eventually becomes a tree. It can become a toxic tree or a healthy tree, depending on what kinds of thoughts built the stronghold.

I’m not staying in that old mindset. I’m moving on.

We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.- 2 Corinthians 10: 5, 6

Are there some mindsets keeping you trapped? Are they stopping you from enjoying your life?