WHOSE JOB IS IT ANYWAY?- THE MODERN WOMEN’S GUIDE TO HOUSEWIFERY PART III

Thanks for following along for this super short series!

Whose job is it anyway? That’s the main question that started this series of articles. When it comes to the home, whose job is whose? In the first article in the series, I shared a few questions wives can ask their husbands to get some clarification.

Today, I’d like to focus on what a stay-at-home Mom (or one with a home based business) does. Here’s a definition from Wikipedia (so you know it’s true):

A housewife is a woman whose work is running or managing her family’s home—caring for her children; buying, cooking, and storing food for the family; buying goods that the family needs in everyday life; housekeeping and maintaining the home; and making clothes for the family—and who is not employed outside the home.

Hmmm. Two aspects of this job description stick out to me.

  1. That’s an awful lot of responsibility.
  2. Really?! You haven’t updated this definition since 1950? What about taking the kids to sports events, play practices, or the multitude of other things kids do nowadays-Occupational therapies, speech therapy, tutoring and the list goes on forever…

I googled stay-at-home mom and got all kinds of blog posts and some advice I wouldn’t repeat on here. I saw kids called rotten words that I couldn’t imagine coming out of a stay-at-home Mom’s mouth. Not only has most of our current culture devalued the purpose of Motherhood in general, we Moms are devaluing ourselves. YIKES. Just ask any Mom what they do for a living. Even if they have a part time job at Starbucks (which I wouldn’t mind if I got to drink coffee all day) they will mention that before “I’m a Mom.” Or “I’m a home administrator.”

Then I found this gem on forbes.com:

“…the typical stay-at-home mom works almost 97 hours a week, spending 13.2 hours as a day-care teacher; 3.9 hours as household CEO; 7.6 hours as a psychologist; 14.1 hours as a chef; 15.4 as a housekeeper; 6.6 hours doing laundry; 9.5 hours as a PC-or-Mac operator; 10.7 hours as a facilities manager; 7.8 hours as a janitor and 7.8 hours driving the family van.

Salary.com aimed to market price Mom in the same manner it prices a job. For 10 titles, a nearly 100-hour work-week and a six-figure annual rate, moms may be the most valuable workers in the country.”

That’s good news, right? We Moms have a monetary value and should be called the most valuable workers in the country. You want to know the real reason what Moms do isn’t valued like Forbes suggests?

You can't put a dollar amount on a Mom_

You cannot measure the value of what a Mom does in mathematical terms. It’s not dollars and cents. It’s not something you can plot on a graph. What Moms do is invest in relationship. Yes, she does all the work listed above. Those are important, but they are actually footnotes in the larger scheme of things. You can’t put a dollar amount on a Mom:

  • investing in a child’s character
  • teaching them how to navigate life
  •  teaching them the foundations of family
  • unconditional love
  • the value of grace and mercy
  • forgiveness
  • steadfastness
  • how to pray
  • reading great literature
  • baking together just because
  • sitting by the fire with hot cocoa and having an in depth conversation with a teen about life

The reason our culture struggles with valuing Mothers is that you can’t really put a numeric value on it. It’s an eternal value that can’t be seen. But when a Mother has not done her job, you see the gaping hole in a child’s life. When you see a child who can’t manage to navigate the world when he is older, who do you blame? The Mother.

So, Mama if you are reading this and you have believed the lie that what you do is not valuable, remember this- C.S. Lewis said:

“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only – and that is to support the ultimate career. ”

 

How do you start the school year when your child leaves the nest?

This time of year is stressful enough. Kids are starting back to school. Families resume their homeschooling schedule. But how do you handle the beginning of the school year when your kid is out adulting?

Maybe you graduated your child and he is off to college or starting a new job. Whatever the case, when a child is leaving the nest, it is stressful. We are proud of our kiddos, but that doesn’t mean we can’t grieve. After my eldest went off to college, I had a reprieve of four years before I graduated five in a row!

So here are my tips on handling your kids adulting. I don’t know it all, and you may have some great tips too!

When your child is adulting.png
  1. It’s okay to cry. Better to do this alone, though. We don’t want our kids to get entangled in our feelings. It’s better if they see us rejoicing with them over this next stage.
  2. Make sure you have something meaningful to do. We moms put our kids first. Often, we are so consumed with raising them that we forget to be a person. Invest time in other pursuits now, even if it’s only a few minutes a day. When your kids grow up, you can expand your purpose. Maybe you start writing a few paragraphs a day or dabbling in photography or [you fill in the blank].
  3. Invest in other women. When your kiddos are mostly grown, you have some time to follow the Biblical instruction for the older women:

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Titus 2:3-5

 We don’t like to use the word “old” or “older.”  How about “more mature” and “with more life experience?” Whatever you want to call yourself, now is your chance to say, “I get it. Me too!” to those younger moms.

4. Invest in others, period. I remember the days when I walked around in a stupor. I changed one diaper after another. I read stories, made meals, and cleaned up afterwards. Then one evening, I sat on the couch and realized that all my kids were off doing other things, from part-time jobs to extracurricular activities. I could breathe. I could think. This also began the season of being able to invest in others. My niche is the foster/adoptive world. Yours may be different. Find out what your outreach is and invest in it.

5. Go to your child. Don’t expect them to come to you. When your child is out in the world adulting, whether they’re in college or married with kiddos, this is the time to go to them. Don’t sit on your couch wondering where everyone has gone. Instead, take them out for lunch or coffee. Drive to their home. Make an effort to keep the connection. It’s difficult enough for them to manage this new life. Make it a bit easier by going to them instead of waiting for them to come to you.

6. Expect your relationship to change. We spend so many years disciplining our children. We give them advice. We make sure they do their chores. We keep them on track. As they grow into adults, we will be tempted to keep telling our kids what to do and when to do it. We have the best intentions, but it’s not going to work. It’s okay to give advice when they ask for it, but otherwise, take a step back. Your child will move into a new role: friend and, sometimes, advisor. It’s a great new phase of life!

7. Pray. Place your child’s name in these scriptures and pray them aloud:

For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.

Ephesians 1:15-21

8. Don’t give up on them. Even if they wound you emotionally over and over again, be on their side. Forgive and move on. Go back to #7 and pray!

9. Be ready to go to battle spiritually for them. Who else is going to do this for them? This is our job no matter how old they are! See #7.

10. Keep living and enjoying your life. If your kids are wounding you emotionally on a regular basis, this is a toughie, but hang in there. It’ll be well worth it. Jesus came so we could have an abundant life. It’s important to Him, so it should be important to us!

Want more tips and encouragement for navigating this season of life? At The Gathering on September 7th, I’ll  be presenting a workshop titled “Transitioning Into the Teen Years and Beyond.” Grab your ticket here.

The Whole House Podcast

TWHpodcasticon

We are so excited to announce The Whole House Podcast coming January 1st, 2018!

This podcast covers adoption/foster care, homeschooling, parenting, health and home projects! The Whole House- Health, Home and family all in one place! We’re glad you’re here! We compare our team to the rooms in a house, each has a different purpose and our gals each have different giftings. With that our ‘rooms’ make up a Whole House.

What kinds of topics can you expect?

Here’s a short list:

  • Motherhood
  • Adoption
  • Foster Care
  • Special Needs Kids
  • Human Trafficking
  • Homeschooling
  • DIY
  • Household Management

 

Every third week Monday of the month, the topic will be adoption related.

Grab a cup of coffee and join our overly-caffeinated ladies here for The Whole House Podcast!