Parenting Against the Grain

This week on The Whole House Podcast, we talked about Parenting Against the Grain or parenting counter-culturally. Here are some notes and the podcast itself:

Attachment parenting (AP) is a parenting philosophy that proposes methods which aim to promote the attachment of mother and infant not only by maximal maternal empathy and responsiveness but also by continuous bodily closeness and touch.

Image27 attachment cycle

Breaks in attachment cause all sorts of issues, developmental delays, learning delays, fears and lack of cause and effect thinking. A child who has had significant breaks in attachment has problems with self-regulation.

“Austrian psychoanalyst and physician Rene Spitz proposed an alternate theory. He thought that infants in institutions suffered from lack of love–that they were missing important parental relationships, which in turn was hurting or even killing them.

To test his theory, he compared a group of infants raised in isolated hospital cribs with those raised in a prison by their own incarcerated mothers. If the germs from being locked up with lots of people were the problem, both groups of infants should have done equally poorly. In fact, the hospitalized kids should have done better, given the attempts made at imposing sterile conditions. If love mattered, however, the prisoners’ kids should prevail.

Love won: 37% of the infants kept in the bleak hospital ward died, but there were no deaths at all amongst the infants raised in the prison. The incarcerated babies grew more quickly, were larger and did better in every way Spitz could measure. The orphans who managed to survive the hospital, in contrast, were more likely to contract all types of illnesses. They were scrawny and showed obvious psychological, cognitive and behavioral problems.

Spitz’s study suggested severe mortality risk–more than one in three died–for institutionalized infants. It showed that serious mental health and behavioral problems could result from not having at least one loving parent devoted to a particular child. For decades, however, this research was either ignored or dismissed by behaviorists and others who couldn’t believe that something as vague and seemingly immeasurable as parental love could matter that much.”-Forbes

Dr. Karyn Purvis- Investment Parenting takes time.

Or find us on iTunes- here.

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Feigned Feminism Friday Part Three

Feigned Feminism Friday

Gloria Steinem, the queen bee of modern feminism, said to Bill Maher of HBO, “Women are more for Clinton than men are, women get more radical as they get older… but men tend to get more conservative as they age because they gain more power and women get more radical because they lose power.”

My head was aching and my emotions on overdrive as I perused sites on feminism looking for facts for this series. You know what I saw over and over? Women who feel as if they have no power. Women who at some point who have been abused/rejected/abandoned and now they are fighting back.

Mission statement (feminist.org)

“The Feminist Majority Foundation (FMF) was created to develop bold, new strategies and programs to advance women’s equality, non-violence, economic development, and, most importantly, empowerment of women and girls in all sectors of society. All programs of the FMF endeavor to include a global perspective and activities to promote leadership development, especially among young women. Along with reproductive rights and access to reproductive technology, the FMF’s programs have focused on the empowerment of women in law, business, medicine, academia, sports, and the Internet.” (underscoring mine)

  • FMF promotes non-violence and works to eliminate violence against women.
  • FMF supports, legal and accessible abortion, contraception, and family planning, including Medicaid funding and access for minors.-www.feminist.org

One of the sad facts I found across the board is the break down of family because of feminism. Our society likes to blame it on the women who have left the home for the workforce and I can’t agree, not totally. There is never a shift in society without a reason and feminism had a lever applied to it by the CIA, for one, and from those who would benefit from the break down of the foundation of society. I’m not going to go on and on about conspiracy theories, that’s not what this is about. This is about we women, right here and now stopping to think about where feminism came from (find more here) and answering some tough questions about it. I’ll post more about the family planning and abortion in another post, just another crack in the foundation of family and devaluing human life.

Today I am focusing on the question:

  1. Why does today’s brand of feminism frown on women staying home to raise a family?

Three Reasons modern feminism frowns on women staying home to raise a family.

Reason One:

If you peruse the back issues of Ms. Magazine, you find articles that are scary:

The Cruelest Weapon-With rape so prevalent in conflict zones, the U.S. must lift the  unwarranted ban on war-related abortions.

That’s not a recipe for your Grandma’s apple pie. This is war. Rape. Murder. Fear.  Most women who enter the modern feminism movement have been hurt, abandoned, rejected, raped, discarded, not valued. Women are saturated, marinated in the idea that women are powerless unless they follow the modern feminist agenda. These women educated themselves, work their fingers to the bone and climb the slippery rungs of the ladder where men seem to have to power. Notice, I said, seem.

These woman may have been raised in a dysfunctional family or schooled in an environment that taught them that power comes by being like a man instead of being like a woman. The modern idea that men and women are alike , that the unique characteristics are ‘stereotypes’ and that we are one creature, instead of two distinct ones, men and women. We function in unique capacities.

Back to fear. Women fear acting in the capacity they were born to because the men they trusted (fathers, husbands, uncles, etc), especially husbands who were commissioned to love them as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it, didn’t follow the command. Instead, a man beat them, abused them or didn’t provide for their needs. So, women are afraid to submit (submission is another post) and do what they are designed to do. Nurture. Make a home. Build up their husbands. Respect. Revere. Make a beautiful safe haven.

Instead, they are out in the world fighting the battles that men are supposed to fight for them. They fear losing power and so they pursue it. When men follow their natural inclination, which is to serve and protect women, there is no fear in that sort of love because perfect love casts out all fear. There is no fear of mis-use or abuse when a man takes his place and is respected for it. Fear is powerful. Feeling powerless creates anxiety, so women seek power. When power of choice or the luxury of a safe home is not available then women leave the home and make a way for themselves and/or their children. I don’t want to turn this into a men bashing post, but the truth remains, that if the man does his job, the woman doesn’t have to. As, I said, there is never a shift in society without a reason, the shift of feminism began with rejection, abandonment, abuse, and loss of true power. Women fear staying home because they fear a loss of power.

Have you been believed the lie of modern feminism that you are powerless? Or have you been abused, rejected, abandoned, raped or let down by the man or men who were supposed to care for you? Are you living in fear? This article is not to convince you to ‘stay home where you belong’ or not to have a career. It’s about why women fear walking in their God given gifts. If one of the above has happened to you, I understand. It is difficult to trust when those in authority have let you down. It makes us angry and want to lash out or get the last word or find some power of our own. That is a natural response. We are given the gift of anger to tell us when we have been hurt. We might wonder where God is in all of this and why He has abandoned us. He is here and He hasn’t abandoned you. He doesn’t love men more than women. He sees them as equally valuable. He also sees our rights as equally valuable, He will never take away a person’s right to choose, NEVER, whether for good or evil. He will also never take away the consequences of an action. Vengeance is His. He will make whomever harmed you, pay. He will. It may not be the way you want it to be or in the time frame you want it to be, but He will.

If you don’t believe God believes in consequences, read through the Old Testament. Here’s just one quick example: Remember Joseph and his brothers? They sold him into slavery. God saved their lives through Joseph’s position of power, but He did not remove the consequences. Because the brothers sold Joseph into slavery, the new nation of Israel spent four hundred years enslaved by the Egyptians, the very nation that God gave Joseph a position of power in.

The most important thing for you dear girl, is to value yourself, not to keep going down a dark road of hate and seeking to destroy. That is what satan does.

I’m ending this post with prayer for women.

Dear Jesus, women have been abused, hurt and neglected in our nation. I don’t want to men bash, I want to remember that our war is not against flesh and blood. Satan has been in the business of destroying families since the garden of Eden. I pray that you will heal women who have been hurt, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Please give us the revelation of the power that we have and help us use it according to your will and your way, not the modern philosophies of humanism and the parts of feminism that run contrary to your Word. Help us heal so that our children and families can heal. Help us do the difficult act of forgiveness, for ourselves and families, so you can work in our lives. Whatever we have suffered unjustly, we offer it to you and ask you to make something good out of it. Thank you for good gifts in our lives, help us to see them, despite the pain. Thank you for the power of Jesus’ resurrection working in us to make us strong women, beloved of you. 

Join me next Friday, when we tackle reason two!