Next Steps in Planning Your Vision Board


Yesterday, I talked about Three Reasons to Create a Vision Board, you can read it here. Today I’ll share one of the ways I plan projects and goals.

Create a Document or Paper for each project or goal.

 Break the project down into measurable, attainable objectives with deadlines for each. This is important. If you don’t have deadlines or dates to work on your goals, you probably won’t do it.  You’ll wish you could/would. 

Next thing you know another year has passed since you wanted to get healthy, better that relationship, start the website, make the quilt, etc…

Here’s an example from my own life. 

I’m an empty-nester-ish. I want to continue to spend time with my kids and grandkiddos in creative, intentional, and memory-building ways. *Just a note here – your vision board NEVER have to focus on being Insta-famous. Your vision should be about impacting your sphere of influence which starts with your family. 

Back to my example. Some things I have done (and continue to do) with family and friends. These fit in my family and relationship buckets.

  • Weekly swim days in the summer
  • Apple picking days
  • Fall Harvest and Craft Day
  • Christmas Craft/Cookie Day
  • Camp Lemon-Lime (Family Camp)
  • Joe and Throw (local coffee place) with my daughter to work – typing this there!

When I have these events on the calendar, I break down measurable goals to make them happen. Some are easier than others but all take effort.

Here’s a recent example.

Goal: Christmas Craft/Cookie day

Once I had a date scheduled, I worked out a list.

  • Plan crafts
  • Shop for supplies
  • Choose cookie doughs to prepare and mark recipes
  • Clean cookie cutters
  • Make dough

The list is a lot longer, but you get the picture. I literally write down everything I have to do on a list then I break it down into smaller jobs. After I have smaller jobs written out, I schedule them on the calendar. I used to use my journal (and sometimes randomly write things in there). The problem is I would lose the list and have to search. I’ve been using Trello now. I can make checklists, schedule things for certain days, see what’s next, and use the app on my phone or computer. Kristin uses this too! Maybe this seems like a lot of work to do for something. Consider the alternative, I schedule the day, freak out the evening before, go to the store, make the cookie dough, stay up until midnight trying to find a craft on Pinterest, and scrubbing toilets. I’ve done that before. It’s not fun. I’d rather break things down and do a little at at time.

Does this mean you have to do it this way. Nope. You don’t. You do what fits best with your personality and way of doing things.

These are just ideas. If one of your goals is to spend time with family, you’re going to have to be intentional. Otherwise, you may (like I have on many occasions) end up with a someday mentality. 

  • Someday when I have more time.
  • Someday when my schedule opens up.
  • Someday when I have more people to help me.

Remember the saying – Necessity is the mother of invention. It’s true. If you believe in investing in family relationships is important, you can find a way to make it happen with lots of intention and little or no money. For example if your goal is spend more time with your family -reading books aloud is free. Pop some popcorn. Sit by the fireplace and read. If you want it to happen, you must plan it. 

Rethinking your Vision Board

You may be thinking – wait, I thought this vision board was about starting a ministry/building a business, or some huge idea!

It is. For sure. But everything must be in its place. Like the illustration of adding rocks, gravel, and sand in a jar, to be effective, we must start with the big rocks first – God, family, relationships. If we don’t, everything won’t fit correctly. If you try to build a ministry without having the other aspects in order, it will fail. (This is just a friendly reminder.) 

It is important to be as proactive as possible. The saying – If you fail to plan, you plan to fail is true even or especially when it comes to God, family, and relationships.

Let’s say you have a great plan for spending time with God, family, and friends already in place and you want to move on to starting a business, a podcast, a website, teaching a class, starting a coaching business, hosting  retreat, or fill in the blank -you could focus your whole vision board on one of those.

Remember, your vision board is for your season, your sphere of influence, and your personal habits and goals. No one else’s. Well, no person’s. Like I said yesterday, it needs be be in God’s time and His plan. If you have never asked God to help you plan a goal, then be patient with yourself. Don’t expect to come up with a vision board to save the planet or have a Ted Talk that everyone watches. Your vision board will be a reflection of your authentic self with your personality and giftings shining through, not someone you think you should be. If you’re spending lots of time thinking how others will react to what you want to do, stop. This isn’t about your aunt’s opinion about whether you should write a book, have another baby, paint your house pink, or start a podcast. This is about aligning yourself with God’s will and His purpose for your life. If you want to paint your house pink, that’s not a moral issue, its’ a personality perk – maybe you just like pink. Let me end with this scripture to guide you:

11 And [His gifts to the church were varied and] He Himself appointed some as apostles [special messengers, representatives], some as prophets [who speak a new message from God to the people], some as evangelists [who spread the good news of salvation], and some as pastors and teachers [to shepherd and guide and instruct], 12 [and He did this] to fully equip and perfect the saints (God’s people) for works of service, to build up the body of Christ [the church]; 13 until we all reach oneness in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God, [growing spiritually] to become a mature believer, reaching to the measure of the fullness of Christ [manifesting His spiritual completeness and exercising our spiritual gifts in unity].

Ephesians 4: 11- 13

Want to hear more about vision boards? Listen to this week’s podcast episode!

Are you looking for a way to plan your goals for 2020? Have you ever tried creating a vision board? A vision board is a great visual to look at your goals on a daily basis. Vision boards can be fun, colorful, creative, and a great group project to do with friends. Why create a vision board?  Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen and Kristin as they share what a vision board is and three reasons to create one.

Three Reasons to Create a Vision Board


What is a vision board and how does it work?

vision board is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goal. Literally, a vision board is any sort of board on which you display images that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life.

-makeavisionboard.com

A vision board is a great visual to look at your goals on a daily basis. Vision boards can be fun, colorful, creative, and a great group project to do with friends. Why create a vision board?

We need a visible vision to help us achieve our goals. 

Seeing your vision on a daily basis helps you remember it.

“Now the boy Samuel ministered to the Lord before Elie. The word of the Lord was rare and precious in those days; there was no frequent or widely spread vision.”

I Samuel 3: 1

Sometimes people think they should just live by the seat of their pants because they think having a vision or plan isn’t spiritual. The attitude, well if it happens it happens usually means nothing is going to happen.  How often do we live reactionary lives instead of lives of action and proactive plans?

Jesus’ final word before the ascension was full of action words (see Matthew 28: 18 -20). Go into all the world. Preach. Publish (I love this one) the good news.

Without a vision, people perish. 

Where there is no vision [no revelation of God and His word], the people are unrestrained;
But happy and blessed is he who keeps the law [of God].

Proverbs 29: 18

We like to quote the scripture. It sounds cool. Think about it for a minute. Maybe your vision provides disaster relief and you show up after a tornado. You didn’t bring water or medical supplies because you were just winging it. People could really perish in that situation. We need to have a plan. 

The Hebrew word paw-rah’ means “to perish”. Paw-rah’ was the word used in a biblical proverb where a woman’s hair was let flow out of its covering (hairband). Unconstrained in the wind her hair is directionless and blown in all directions.

medium.com

How can you go if you don’t have a plan? 

When my kids were younger, we studied Paul’s missionary journeys. While Paul didn’t have an actual canvas from the local art store with his vision hot glued on it, he didn’t just wander aimlessly either. He had a plan. His plan was inspired by the Holy Spirit and he followed through despite shipwrecks, snakebites, and imprisonment. 

3. God always has a plan.

Another important point – Pray before you plan. Also, don’t give up even when you have obstacles. As I write this, I’m on what was supposed to be a working vacation in the mountains of WV. The plan was I write while my husband fishes. That plan isn’t working out. More likely, God had another plan. My body is finally relaxing. I’m sleeping a lot more here than I do at home. I’m listening to worship music and dancing around like a crazy woman, bingeing on blogs about goal setting and taking notes on them in my favorite way – by hand in a notebook. God is directing my path, it is narrow. I could fight, be stuck and feel frustrated. Or… I can let the oil of the Holy Spirit grease my path so I can slide through easily. Hopefully, I’ll continue to choose the latter. 

In September, I attended Winsome retreat in the mountains of PA at White Sulphur Springs. The retreat was a refreshing time in a gorgeous setting. I connected with some friends and overcame a fear (that’s a story for another time).  What I didn’t do is receive a typewritten answer from the Lord about what my next year’s plan should be. I went to the retreat with an expectation of seeing some writing on the wall. It won’t. What was there was what God knew I needed at the time. Affirmation. Confirmation. And a message – You’re already chosen.

My Point? Don’t force the issue of a plan in YOUR time frame. Pray and wait for God’s time. He’ll show you. 

Turns out, this trip to the mountains is God’s time. So, today, I work on the skeletal plans of my vision and watch “dem dry bones hear the word of the Lord.”

Ready to make your vision board?

Don’t get out the hot glue gun just yet.

  1. Write out your biggest goals for the year. No matter how crazy they sound, do it. 
  2. Check and make sure your goals line up with the Word. Get someone close to bounce your ideas off of, someone who will support you and cheer you on.
  3. Get on Pinterest, Google, magazines, anywhere you can find visuals of your goals.

Still not sure what to put on your goal list?

Here are some suggestions to get you started.

If you’re like me and you like the physical act of writing plus you like to break things down into categories. My husband and I use the bucket method. It’s our bucket list. Each bucket represents an area of our lives. I think my hubby only uses three buckets – God, Family, and Work. He recently added health. I have more buckets – you can have as many as you like. 

For instance, if one of your buckets is homeschooling, you may have goals like – Get Jane reading on a 3rd-grade level. Read ten books allowed each semester. Here’s the key. Your goals need to be trackable, measurable, and flexible.

You can make a bucket for home projects, adult kids, friends – pretty much anything you want to work on.

Keep in mind you can shift gears later and decide which of these are most important. This is an exercise, not something set in stone.

The first year I did a vision board for my new career – writing, I got a little carried away. I decided I would write ten books within the next five years. It has been five years and I have seven books out now which is okay. It’s better to dream big and make progress than not to dream at all. 
Be sure to read tomorrow’s post where I share next steps, and the following day for how I put together my 2020 Vision board and pictures of the process!

Adopted, Chosen, and Wretched

My parents had just enrolled me in a Catholic school after the move from Colorado to WV. I had completed some of the science homework ahead of time since I didn’t enter the school at the beginning of the school year. My first day there, I was chosen to go to the blackboard. I was wretched. I felt as if my answers were wrong. I was wrong. I stuck out like a sore thumb among all these kids who had been going to the school since kindergarten. I was the smallest kid in my class and in the class a grade below mine. I wrote the answer to the question in large loopy letters on the chalkboard with fear and trembling. The teacher, Mr. Brummage, commented, “That’s exactly right, Kathleen. If this new student can get this right, you all should.” I felt a tiny bit less wretched.

There have been some social media posts going around about popular preachers saying they are “chosen” with a comparison to Paul, author of 3/4 of the New Testament saying “I am wretched.” Something about these posts didn’t sit right with me. So, I did some studying and thinking.

Here’s something to think about – can you be wretched and chosen at the same time?

Chosen

Even as [in His love] He chose us [actually picked us out for Himself as His own] in Christ before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy (consecrated and set apart for Him) and blameless in His sight, even above reproach, before Him in love. – Ephesians 1: 4

We can’t take credit for being chosen. Even if we wanted to chosen like those days we waited to see if we made the team, got the part, were chosen to be adopted. It’s not something we can do in our own strength or is based on our merit or good works. Before God put the earth on its axis, he chose us. He chose you. He chose me. We are chosen. (If you want to read some more verses about “chosen,” check out the list at the bottom.)

Wretched

Wretched and miserable man that I am! Who will [rescue me and] set me free from this body of death [this corrupt, mortal existence]?

Thanks be to God [for my deliverance] through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind serve the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh [my human nature, my worldliness, my sinful capacity—I serve] the law of sin. – Romans 7:  24, 25

While Paul describes himself as wretched because of his corrupt, moral existence. He is still chosen. That condition of his existence did not change his “chosen” status. His fight with himself is well documented in Chapter 7. It’s the same sort of fight we all have with ourselves and our desire to do right, yet we end up doing the thing we don’t want .

For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled and bewildered by them]. I do not practice what I want to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate [and yielding to my human nature, my worldliness—my sinful capacity]. – Romans 7: 15

That’s exactly how I feel! When I hold onto bitter feelings, watch too much tv, don’t use my time wisely, or fill in the blank. How about you? Are you bewildered by your reactions? Do you often practice what you don’t want to? Eat the donut, skip the workout, yell at your kids, come apart at the seams when you have too much to do? I’m preaching to the Guire here.

Adopted, Chosen, and Wretched.

You knew it was coming didn’t you? What about adopted/foster kids? Are they chosen? Of course. We choose to adopt and foster. Sometimes we expect the children not to be wretched. We want them to feel loved, secure, whole, and free of fear.

I remember when we were still in Poland, after a visit to some psychologists, Damian was wretched. Because of something his brother said after the evaluation, Damian thought we would change our minds about choosing him. He said to his brother, “Now you’ve ruined it. They won’t want us anymore.” Of course that wasn’t true. We did choose them from the first time we heard of them.

When our kids come “home” or are part of our family temporarily, they may begin to feel secure and then will be baffled by their own actions. So, will we. Those triggers will make some ugly feelings rear their heads. It may feel as if they don’t feel chosen. Isn’t that just human nature though? We have a place at the table of the family of God, but we tend to slip off our chair and have a fit when circumstances don’t line up with what we want or think theyshould be.

Why talk about Being “Chosen” verses “Wretched” during the holidays?

Now more than any other time during the year will we have to understand that we can feel wretched even when we are chosen. This is the time of year triggers of past memories, good or bad, are present in abundance. Same for our kiddos from hard places. When we tell our kiddos to be on their best behavior when Aunt and Uncle so and so show up and they CAN’T, these kiddos will feel wretched. It’s our job as parents to connect and correct. It’s our job to reaffirm their chosen-ness and value. It’s our job to structure the environment to make them feel safe. 

Want to hear more about this topic? Want to thrive this holiday season?

Some of us are parenting hurt children who have come from hard places and have no foundation of celebration. Holiday activities may seem strange or act as triggers for their past.
Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips for thriving this holiday season!

Join our free e- course:

Welcome to your twenty-five day countdown and survival guide. Raising children from hard places is challenging. Surviving the holidays with a smile on your face while parenting is even more challenging, that’s whyI wrote this handy little Advent book and created this course. Don’t stress. It’s not a huge to-do, not more than a paragraph or two each day. Easy peasy and encouraging. So, take a minute each morning and read. This year, let’s not just survive the Christmas season, let’s thrive!

scriptures

Chosen: John 15:16, Romans 11: 5, Ephesians 1: 4, I Thessalonians 1: 4, I Peter 1: 2, I Peter 2: 9, Jude 1:1, Revelation 17: 4

Wretched: Romans 7: 24, Revelation 3: 17

Practicing Gratefulness With Kids Who Have Had Trauma or a Capital Letter Syndrome

Have you ever struggled with a child?

Have you ever struggled with a child?  Have you ever tromped around the same mountain and wondered- is this child ever going to change?  Will he ever recover from the wounds he suffered in his life before I was his home?  I’ve been there.  I have circled until there is a trench up-to-my-shoulder-deep and I could barely see the light.  I’ve been there more times then I would like to admit. How about you?  Here are some words I jotted in my journal after a painful trying-to-save-the child-week.

“Whenever you are struggling with _____, thank Me for him.  ….Don’t give up.  Don’t give in……Picture him as the infant you adopted all those years ago.  He didn’t know anything about hot stoves, electrical outlets, toys, older siblings- it was all new territory- so is this being responsible for his  own actions- he may get burned, trip, get mad, slam doors… but in the end, he will learn where the boundaries are.  He will learn to fight for something he wants- to apply his own blood, sweat and tears instead of riding on the backs of others, emotionally manipulating them and never feeling satisfied. My Word will work.  Keep reading it.  You cannot change him.  Give him consequences.  Let me do the work.I did not rescue these little ones to rot in another hell.  Pray the Word, not the circumstances.”

Raising a child who has suffered loss

If you are raising a child from a who has suffered loss, abandonment and rejection in their early life, day to day living can be a struggle.  

“To compound the situation, many children who have experienced neglect, abuse and abandonment have not yet developed an internalized set of values by which they judge themselves and others. They are not able to receive and experience empathy- nor can they develop insight -so they tend to project blame on others and onto objects.  They blame their adoptive parents for causing their anger, and they blame toys for breaking.  They blame things that could not possibly be responsible for anything!”

– Parenting the Hurt Child

How do I practice thankfulness in midst of pain?  Thank Him for the child.  List the blessings.  

1. Morning hugs

2. He said he was sorry.

3. God sent someone my way to encourage me.

4. Dinner out with family. Everyone joking. Telling stories of the past.

5. The kids chilling/talking in the family room.

Victories are Sweeter

When parenting kiddos who have had trauma or a capital letter syndrome, victories are sweeter. When the kid who couldn’t even place the letters of his name in a linear sequence writes his name on a line (in order), there is great cause for celebration. When a child who has been afraid to stand in front of people participates in the social studies fair even though she has tears running down her cheeks the whole time she presents to the judges, that’s a huge victory. When we think about the fact that these kids have to work harder at these victories, they are much sweeter tasting. These victories aren’t small. They’re huge.

It will change you

When we talk of raising kiddos from hard places, we often focus on the kiddos – their behaviors, their victories, their healing – those are all good things. Here’s another part of the picture – raising these kiddos will change us. Looking through the lens these kiddos see through will make me a better person. When I see a child laugh at a joke for the first time. When I hear a child ask for help and leave survival mode behind for the first time, I see things differently.

Also, raising kiddos from hard places has given me the opportunity to operate more in the fruit of the spirit. We parents will have to practice more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,  and self-control (Galatians 5: 22, 23).

Want to hear more about this topic? Listen to Episode 107 of Positive Adoption.

Are you raising a child who has had trauma or has a capital letter syndrome?
Days can be long and tough. We know. How do you practice gratefulness during this season? Join Jerry and Kathleen as they tackle practicing gratefulness when raising kids from hard places (and with capital letter syndromes). They’ve lived it and have some great stories to share. Grab a cup of coffee and join this dynamic duo!

The Five Bs Affected by Trauma Part 5- Behavior

This is the last in the series on “The Five Bs Affected by Trauma”, you if you missed the rest, start here. Also, hop on over to the printable resource page for a copy of “How Trauma Affects Kids.”

Science says there are five Bs affected by trauma, and we cannot overlook them. In kids from hard places, behavioral disorders are a symptom of the effect trauma has had on their development. 

Negative behaviors will be taken care of once a child is securely attached. To achieve that, we must start with the five Bs and work our way out from there.

Behavior

Behavior — an altered ability to self-regulate in response to stressors. This can manifest as impulsiveness, self-destructive behavior, aggressive behavior, excessive compliance, sleep disturbances, eating disorders, substance abuse, a re-enactment of their traumatic past, or pathological self-soothing behaviors.

This is the one we seem to put the most emphasis on. Why can’t this kid just behave? 

Children from hard places have an altered ability to self-regulate in response to stressors. Kids are impulsive! 

When a baby is born, the mother regulates for him. She feeds him when he is hungry. Wraps him in a blanket when he is cold. She rocks him to sleep when he is tired. When he gets a bit older, he begins to co-regulate, this is the two-year-old who gets the juice out of the fridge and pours himself a glass and gets it all over the counter. He begins to recognize his needs and try to meet them. Self-regulated is the final destination of this journey. This is when a teen or young adult can regulate himself. He drinks water and doesn’t become dehydrated. He eats food. He sleeps when he is tired. He starts handling his bank account on his own.

 Children from hard places often have this cycle of regulation broken. Their needs are not met consistently. They miss the season of co-regulation. As a child, they don’t recognize their own body’s signals for food and water. Their sleeping patterns are messed up. They walk around slightly dehydrated. They don’t eat enough or do the opposite. Gorge. 

What we see on our end is dysregulation. A child who can’t sit still. A child who fidgets. Speaks out of turn. Who doesn’t listen.

Key to Remember – “Good/excited stress loads in a child from a hard place in much the same way as bad/traumatic stress. Generally, a child cannot tell the difference.” – ETC

As a result, children from hard places often experience heightened and persistent levels of stress and fear, driving them to develop an array of survival tactics and inappropriate behavioral responses. However, as Dr. Purvis reminds us: Every behavior has a purpose and a function. Behind every behavior and misbehavior is a need, and we must come to view our children’s needs not as something negative but as something very positive. Needs are one of the primary ways that God uses to bring people into a relationship with others and with Himself. So, we need to learn to follow the needs of our children.

Behavior is a need however inappropriately expressed.

 “It’s can’t, not won’t.”

Many children from hard places deal with heightened levels of stress and fear. In order to help our children heal and move forward, it is critical that parents understand how pervasive fear can be and what it looks like in our children’s behaviors and responses.

Fear is much more than a feeling. Fear is a state of being, and for many children from hard places, it has become a way of life.

There are three ways that children from hard places typically respond to fear and stress:

  1. Fight- frustration, explosive or aggressive, resistive, acting out, saying “I won’t, You can’t make me!”
  2. Flight- Goofy, Physically or emotionally distracting behavior, running, escaping behaviors, distractible, clowning, redirecting, easily bored, effectively saying, “I’m out of here.”
  3. Freeze- Body is often not receiving signals from the brain- whiny, tearful, clingy, fearful, reluctant to separate or to try new things, withdrawing, hiding, saying “I can’t!”

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FEELING SAFE AND BEING SAFE!

Instead of asking, What are you afraid of, ask, what do you need?

In order to truly address the issue of fear, we will need to create a sense of felt-safety for the child.

 Key to remember-You provide felt-safety when you arrange the environment and adjust your behavior so that the child can feel safe.  Felt safety is just as important and real as actual safety, even for adults. Think of a time that you were perfectly safe and yet you had anxiety. Everyone has something that raises their anxiety level. It could be heights, snakes, spiders, elevators, flying, or crowds. 

Now think about how you react to those around you when confronted with those fears, and you’ll understand your children’s behavior better.

Want to hear more about behavior?

In this episode of Positive Adoption, Kathleen continues the series on the Five Bs affected by trauma with “Behavior.” Behavior — an altered ability to self-regulate in response to stressors. This can manifest as impulsiveness, self destructive behavior, aggressive behavior, excessive compliance, sleep disturbances, eating disorders, substance abuse, re-enactment of their traumatic past, or pathological self soothing behaviors. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she finishes this series!